Last Goodbye
by lyrics.are.love
Summary: Bella met Edward right after starting 'New Moon' magazine. Their relationship was anything but easy, but they made it work. That is until Edward uttered five words that changed Bella's life. AH/Slightly OOC.
1. Last Goodbye

**Okay, I know that I haven't finished 'On My Own' yet but this idea popped into my head and I _had_ to see it through. Anyone who is reading 'On My Own' and thinking about firebombing me for starting another story, I understand and I promise you that I haven't given up on it. This one is going to be a bit more angsty and completely different than my other story. Apparently I like the angst! Anyway, give it a chance and let me know what you think, okay?**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

~*~

This is our last goodbye  
I hate to feel the love between us die.  
But it's over  
Just hear this and then I'll go:  
You gave me more to live for,  
More than you'll ever know.

Well, this is our last embrace,  
Must I dream and always see your face?  
Why can't we overcome this wall?  
Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.

Kiss me, please kiss me,  
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation.  
Oh, you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time  
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.

Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me?"  
And did you rush to the phone to call?  
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,  
"Maybe, you didn't know him at all,  
you didn't know him at all,  
oh, you didn't know?"

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime,  
Burning clues into this heart of mine.  
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes, and the memories  
Offer signs that it's over, it's over.

_Last Goodbye _- Jeff Buckley

~*~

"We can't keep doing this, Bella!" He yelled, his jade green eyes ablaze, as he grew more furious with every passing second. I could feel the anger rolling off of him in palpable waves, the ripples of his muscled arms prominent under his short-sleeved t-shirt.

"What does that mean, Edward? You say it all the time but you never tell me what you mean," I choked out, trying to hold the tears at bay. They wouldn't do me any good; they'd just smear the mascara that Alice had insisted I had to wear tonight. Edward never seemed to care when I cried nowadays anyway.

We stood side by side, looking out of the window at the city lights below. I fidgeted next to him, moving my engagement ring from side to side, a nervous habit I'd developed in the past month.

Something was off, odd even, with his body posture. On top of his unbelievable anger, visible in his rigid jaw and tensed shoulders, sat some unidentified emotion I'd never seen before, clawing and scratching its way to the surface, begging to be let out. I sniffled, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the onslaught of tears trying to escape from the corners of my eyes. "Please, Edward. Say something," I implored. "_Anything_."

He let out a heavy sigh as he turned his beautiful face towards my own. His wild, rust-colored hair stuck up in every direction, an organized chaos. But the beauty of his face was tainted with the utter defeat that wracked his amazingly perfect features and the shock of emotions that were written all over his face were enough to break my heart and terrify me all at once.

"You want me to say something, huh? _Anything_, Isabella?" He asked, his voice cracking towards the end of my name. I nodded my head minutely, too scared to add anything of real value to the conversation after hearing his reaction to my simple request.

After another minute or so of silence, I managed to squeak out another weak, "Please, baby, anything." I begged and pleaded with my eyes as well for him to make the hurt go away, make all these months of fighting and suffering end so that we could go back to the way we were before.

But with five simple words, he tore all that hope down.

Five words caused the demise of a relationship five years in the making.

Five words tore my heart in two.

"I cheated on you, Bella."

~*~

**::Hiding from torch-carrying Edward lovers:: Please don't kill me just yet. You know I'm an avid Edward/Bella shipper so give this a chance, okay? Push that button to review, even if you're telling me how much you hate me!** **Thanks!**


	2. It's Not Over

**Everyone with me still? I sure hope so 'cause this story is making me write like crazy and I love it. I hope you guys will too. Let me know whatcha think in a review. Tell me what you like or what you don't. And please, Edward & Bella lovers, give it some time. I love them together, too. :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer gets the moolah for Twilight, not me. I just like to write about her characters. **

**~*~**

My tears run down like razorblades and no,  
I'm not the one to blame: it's you or is it me?  
And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed.  
And there is no sense In playing games, when you've done all you can do.

But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over?  
We had the chance to make it. Now it's over,  
It's over. It can't be over.  
I wish that I could take it back, but it's over.

I lose myself in all these fights;  
I lose my sense of wrong and right.  
I cry, I cry.  
I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head.  
I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away the life I led.  
But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die.

But it's over, it's over.  
Why is it over?  
We had the chance to make it.  
Now it's over,  
It's over. It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart.  
Don't say this wont last forever.  
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart.  
Don't tell that we will never be together. We could be over  
And over, we could be forever.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart.  
Don't say this wont last forever.  
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart.  
Don't tell that we will never be together. We could be over  
And over, we could be forever.

It's not over. It's not over, it's never over, unless you let it take you, it's not over,  
It's not over, it's not over, unless you let it break you. It's not over.

_It's Not Over_ - Secondhand Serenade

~*~

"Good morning, Bella!"

"Go away, Alice."

"Get up, _Isabella_."

"Leave the room, _Mary_ Alice."

Hearing the distinct_ 'tap, tap, tap'_ sound of Alice's heels against my hardwood floor was warning enough to me that it was indeed time to get a start on my day. Days that I'm woken up by that tiny tyrant are the days I'm tempted to find the asshole that placed her as my 'dorm-mate' in college all those years ago and beat him with my shoe.

Other days I'd like to find the guy responsible for our housing arrangements and kiss him on the mouth. If he had never placed Mary Alice Brandon with Isabella Marie Swan, who knows what may have become of the world?

It'd be a hell of a lot more dull that's for sure.

Alone, I was quiet, introverted, kept to myself, but with Alice, I was fun and adventurous. I took chances and thought about the consequences later. I know that if it hadn't been for Alice I never would have started my magazine, _New Moon_, in the first place.

Knowing I was lost in my thoughts, and Alice was a foot away from the bed, planning her next attempt to get me up, I groaned and threw the covers away from my face.

"Ahh, finally, you grace me in all your bed-head glory," the midget barked as I gave her the stink-eye.

"I should really tell Alec to stop letting you in the building so early in the morning," I whined, sitting up and rubbing at my tired eyes.

Alice smiled, pleased with herself. "He's too easy, really. You bring him a cup of coffee and bat your eyelashes at him and he lets any old riff-raff into the building," she mused as she handed me a Starbucks coffee and made her way into my closet, disappearing most likely to pick out my outfit for the day.

I snorted, "Yeah, most 'riff-raff' don't wear $1000 Louboutins, Alice."

She resurfaced a second later with an outfit and shoes that I shook my head no to. They still had the price tags on them and Alice looked to be a bit peeved because of it.

She scrunched up her tiny nose and sighed, "Well, apparently neither do successful magazine owners who refuse to listen to their fashion editor _and_ best friend. You really should wear this, Bella."

I kicked the blankets away from my feet before slipping my cold toes into my fluffy blue slippers by my bed. I set my coffee down and stretched my back before I shuffled towards the bathroom. I looked back at my best friend, taking in her tiny form and her jet-black short hair.

"Listen, Alice. I have those kinds of clothes and shoes because you buy them for me. My heels from Payless are just fine, thank you."

Alice sucked in a large amount of air, looking like I'd just told her that Vogue magazine would cease to exist anymore and said, "I'm going to ignore the fact that you just said the...P-word to me. But Bella, I just don't understand. You have more than enough money to buy _really_ nice shoes and clothes! Why buy discount?" She made a face at the word.

I shrugged, snatching my coffee off of the dresser and taking a big sip. "Why spend a month's worth of grocery money on a pair of shoes I'd wear for ten minutes and then take off because they hurt my feet so badly?"

I heard her mutter 'impossible' under her breath before storming back into my closet. I chuckled at her attitude and made my way into the bathroom.

After a refreshing shower, with my teeth freshly scrubbed and hair dried, I ventured out into my room to see what crazy outfit Alice had picked out this time. To my relief it was completely acceptable. On my bed was a beautiful black pencil skirt and a white blouse that accentuated my curves nicely. Simple and elegant, without looking like I took four years to pick it out. I didn't like to dress like I was lounging around the house when I worked at the office, but I also liked to be comfortable.

It unnerved me a bit that she didn't put up much of a fight with my outfit today. Usually I had to turn down at least two of her outfits before she compromised on something else.

_Must be because she knows it's going to be a rough day_.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep, calming breath.

_He _would be coming into the office today.

I shook my head quickly, trying not to think about it as I put my clothes on carefully as not to wrinkle them.

Sitting down to put on my reasonably priced but _not_ Payless brand of high heels, by uh, some designer Alice said I should know, I wondered if it was too late to back out of what we had planned for today at the office.

Rosalie would _kill_ me if I did.

I told her she could have this spread in the magazine back when Emmett proposed almost a year ago and what kind of a step-sister would I be if I cancelled it now?

Rosalie Hale had been in my life since I was ten years old. We were classmates that barely spoke until one day my mother, Renee, and her father, Phil, sat us down and told us that they were getting married and we were going to be sisters.

At first, we hated the idea, but as the years went by we grew closer and closer. Now, almost seventeen years later, we're as close, maybe closer than sisters related by blood.

Growing up we had the picture perfect blended family. Renee was a librarian at an elementary school and Phil was a well-known major-league baseball player for the Florida Marlins when Rose and I were in junior high. After high school, we decided to move to Seattle to attend college together, me for English and Rose for Engineering. Phil was offered a job as head coach of the Marlins, so he and my mother stayed on the East coast rather than moving with us.

Unfortunately for the both of us, Renee and Phil were killed in a drunk-driving accident seven years ago. Rose and I were here in Seattle when we got the call that on the way home from one of Phil's games in Florida, a drunk driver crossed over the median of the highway and hit our parent's car head on.

Rose and I took the death of our parents really hard. We learned that Phil and Renee had left everything they owned, including a very large sum of money, to us and that itself was another part of their death we struggled with. Neither one of us wanted to touch the money, thinking that it was wrong to be benefitting from them being gone. It took us over a year to even go back to their house in Florida to start clearing it out.

When we knew it had been long enough and that we shouldn't put it off any longer, Rose and I flew to Florida and began cleaning out the house. While we were there we found Renee's journal and I couldn't help but read it. I came across an entry written just before she died recalling how much she missed us girls and how she couldn't wait to move to the West coast to be closer to us when Phil's contract was up with the Marlins.

Apparently she had been talking to Phil about what they would do to entertain themselves when they moved to Washington. Neither one of them wanted to stop working so Renee began doing some research about opening a book store in Seattle that I could help run with her while Phil was looking into buying a garage that Rose could help with.

After reading it, Rose and I decided to use some of the money they left us to do just that. A year after our Florida trip, Rosalie's garage, _Phil's Place,_ was the most successful garage in the greater Seattle area. I had looked around for a while for a place to open a book shop but nothing ever came to fruition. Nothing spoke to me, telling me that this is what my mother would have wanted.

Instead, another way of honoring my mother presented itself one night while I was out at some loud-ass club with Rosalie and Alice. I had just been hit on by yet another slimeball as I made my way away from the bar, heading back to the table occupied by my friends.

Rose scooted over to allow me to sit with them and I grumbled a thanks. "Just once I'd like to go out without being mauled or groped by some drunk ass guy."

Alice snorted, "Good luck with that one, Bella."

Rose laughed along, "Yeah, going to a bar pretty much promises some kind of drunken encounter."

I laughed despite my mood. "I know, I know. I guess I just wish I knew how to handle the situation better. I mean, some guy grabs _your_ ass and I know he's going to get decked with a tire iron or something," I said to Rose, earning a wicked smile from her. "But me, I am so damn mousy that I have no idea what to say."

"Oh, I don't know, you're quite the bitch to me in the mornings. I'm sure you could come up with something to say to them," Alice giggled.

"I'm a bitch to you because you wake me up with a smile on your face at 5:30 in the morning, Ali."

She shrugged, "Well, telling some guy from the bar to take a hike is no different."

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

Rose put her drink down and stood next to Alice. "Okay, Alice is going to use a lame pick-up line on me and I'll respond accordingly."

Alice giggled and clapped her hands before taking a stance next to Rose. I rolled my eyes but listened close anyway.

Alice leaned in close to Rose saying cheesily, "Haven't I seen you some place before, sugar?"

Rose smiled evily, "Why, yes, you have. And _that's_ why I don't go there anymore."

I started laughing as Alice went in for the kill with Rose again. "Where have you _been_ all my life?"

Rose snorted. "Where I'll be for the rest of your life- in your wildest dreams!"

We all clinked our shot glasses together and laughed uncontrollably. As I brought the glass back down to the table, a thought popped into my head and was out of my mouth before I even had a chance to process it.

"I think I'm going to start a magazine."

"Come again?" Rose asked.

"I'm going to start a magazine. But not one just for women or just for men, I wanna start one for both to read. A magazine that has a bit of a variety. Sports, politics, fashion, comebacks to bad pick-up lines," I wiggled my eyebrows at the two of them.

Alice furrowed her brow at me, "Are you drunk?"

I shook my head, "No, but I'm a bit terrified to be honest. I don't know why this idea just popped into my head but it did and I don't know, I feel like I _have_ to do it. For Renee."

And I did.

Two months later I had a whole lot of investors thanks to many of Phil's friends, a publisher, all the necessary licenses and permits, and a lawyer to make sure everything ran smoothly. I hired Alice on the spot to be the fashion editor and Rose offered to write up anything and everything car related, leaving me to find a political editor and a sports editor. A month later I hired Emmett McCarty, a local sportswriter that had quit his job at the Seattle Times because he had a "feeling" about how successful my magazine would be, and Jasper Whitlock, Alice's boyfriend and political science major, to head the political section of the magazine.

It was about three weeks after I hired Emmett that I had had my first encounter with _him_.

I had told the editors I wanted to meet at our office in downtown Seattle to go over the plans for marketing and ideas for their sections. I also wanted to have them pick out their offices and set up everything before our first official day of work later that week.

Rose and Alice were already in the office with me when Jasper strolled in whistling the tune to some pop song I'd heard on the radio during the drive here.

"What song are you whistling?" I asked, the tune driving me mad.

"I don't even know. It's some damn Lady Gaga song that Alice has been listening to for the past two days. It's been stuck in my head ever since."

I laughed, "Ahh, lucky for me Lady Gaga was just becoming popular when I decided to move into my apartment or she'd be in big trouble."

Alice popped her head out of the office she chose on the second level to scold us. "Lady Gaga is a visionary in both music and fashion, thank you very much!"

Jasper and I chuckled as she stomped her little foot and walked back into her office. "I better go check on her. I think she's quite possibly the Lady Gaga fan club president. She hasn't admitted it outright but I have my suspicions."

I laughed at him as he climbed the steps to reach Ali's office. I heard the front door of the building opening and looked up to find Emmett and another man entering the building, shaking the rain off of them.

Emmett caught sight of me and smiled a big, genuine smile. "Bella! Hey. How are you?"

"Hey Emmett. I'm great, how about yourself?" As I asked the question my eyes immediately went to the stranger standing next to Emmett.

He was beautiful.

I'd never come across a man in my life that I could call beautiful but for him, it most definitely fit. He was strikingly handsome with wild auburn locks that fell into his face messily but still managed to look kempt at the same time. His eyes were a cross between emeralds and moss, standing out wildly from his pale complexion. He was handsome in an otherwordly kind of way and he absolutely took my breath away.

Emmett answered boisterously, "I'm fantastic. Look at the size of this place! Where's my area?"

I smiled at his enthusiasm, managing to locate my voice even though my heart pounded erratically from the proximity of the handsome stranger.

"Well, Alice, you remember Alice, right?" I asked before continuing. Emmett nodded so I went on, "Well Alice's office is upstairs to the right. There's one other office up there but I'm guessing that Jasper is going to take that one to be near her."

I looked around at the bottom floor. We had four more offices there including mine. I pointed to the direction of my office. "That one with the door closed is mine and Rose's is next to it so you can have either of those," I finished as I pointed to the two empty rooms.

Emmett's eyebrows shot up as he gave a dimpled smile. "You mean I get an entire office to myself? I thought I just got a desk! Oh, hell yeah!"

I giggled at the hulk of a man in front of me. Emmett had to be at least 220 pounds and well over six feet tall. His voice was loud and booming, whenever he spoke people listened and not just because of the volume. His laugh, his cheery attitude, his overall outlook on life was contagious and I felt that from him the second he came in to interview for the sports editor position.

Handsome stranger waited politely next to Emmett as he victory-danced around the lobby of the office. Eventually he calmed down and looked from me to his friend.

"Oh shit...Bella Swan, this is my best friend in the world, Edward Cullen. I wanted to show him my new work and introduce him to some people. He just came back to Seattle last week. He's a freelance photographer and was in some jungle taking pictures for some crap, I don't know," he trailed off, seeing that I wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying, looking at Edward for longer than I should have.

I stuck my hand out, smiling warmly and blushing like a fool. "Nice to meet you, Edward."

He put his hand in mine, wrapping his slender fingers around my own. "The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Swan."

Emmett started whining that he wanted to check out his office so him and Edward excused themselves so Emmett could stake claim on one of the empty offices. It felt too quiet in the building, the only sounds coming from Emmett excitedly bouncing from empty office to empty office trying to find the office with the best vibe.

I chuckled softly, putting on some music to listen to while I organized everything. I danced my way down the hallway to where my office was located, feeling like I was finally doing something that I was _meant_ to do with starting the magazine.

I looked to the box of personal items I brought to decorate my office. I decided to start hanging my plaques and pictures, grabbing a hammer and nails that Jasper graciously let us borrow.

The first three pictures went up without a fight but the one of Ali, Rose, and I at the bar where I decided to start the magazine was giving me a bit of trouble. I wanted it a bit higher on the wall behind my desk so I stood on the computer chair to be more level with the picture. Unfortunately for me, I'm a klutz and the chair started moving causing me to wobble a bit in my heels.

I knew it was only a matter of seconds until the fall but it never came. Instead I found myself in the arms of Edward Cullen and he smelled wonderful.

"Wow, it's a good thing I came looking for you to ask what this garbage is that you put on the radio."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Listen, buddy. Just because you save me from death by computer chair does not mean you get to insult my music."

He laughed, looking down at me with his gorgeous eyes. "I beg to differ. It most definitely does."

"_Isabella Marie Swan!_" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs, "We are going to be late and you know Rose will have your head if that's the case!"

Shaking my head, I realized I had been sitting on my bed, taking a trip down memory lane for the last fifteen minutes. I grabbed my watch off my nightstand and sprayed some perfume on myself before grabbing my purse and coffee and heading out of my bedroom.

Alice was waiting by the door, purse in hand, talking on her phone. "We're coming, Rose. I promise."

Walking into the kitchen for a second I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, throwing it in my purse for later and turned to hear Alice now whispering to Rose on the phone.

"..._She's_ there?...tell Jasper to deal with it...I can't even begin to explain what I'm going to do to _him_..."

I cleared my throat as I entered the room again and Alice looked up quickly. "We're leaving now, Rose. Be there soon." Throwing her phone in her purse with a huff, she looked up at me sheepishly.

I took a deep breath, "What's going on, Ali?"

She fidgeted with the bracelet on her tiny arm. "Edward's at the office already."

I shrugged, "I knew he'd be there. He _is_ taking the pictures for the wedding spread. Plus he's Emmett's best man. Of course he'd be there."

Alice nodded, her short black hair bobbing a bit as she did. "Yeah, I know that. But..."

"But what? What aren't you saying," And then it hit me. "_She's_ there isn't she?"

Alice looked to the ceiling, I suppose hoping that it would hold something to say to make me feel better. "Yes. I can't believe he brought her there after everything that happened but yes, Lauren is there."

I took a deep breath in and out. "Well, I can't make her leave. I mean I _could_ but I'm not going to stoop that low. He wants me to react to this."

"Bella, you _need_ to react to this!"

I shook my head. "That's what he wants. He wants to see that I haven't moved on. That I _can't_ move on. He wants me to throw a fit and make a scene about Lauren being there."

Alice opened the door to walk out into the hallway as I turned the lock on the knob, closing it behind us. We walked towards the elevator, waiting for the doors to open to take us downstairs.

"Honey, I know that it still hurts you. Why _not_ tell him that? Let the asshole have it."

"I have told him that. It doesn't matter. He still thinks something happened between Jacob and I so he's making me suffer by being with Lauren. You're right...he's an ass."

Alice huffed, "And he's an ass that you_ let _walk all over you! Bella you haven't dated since you two broke up. And by broke up I mean called off your _engagement,_ if you don't remember. This could be _your_ wedding spread we featured but no, he's a jealous asshole that cheats!"

The elevator doors opened and we filed inside. "Gee, Ali. Tell me how you really feel. Don't hold anything back."

"It's just not fair, Bella. You are so jaded from this that it breaks my heart."

I pinched her tiny cheeks lightly, trying to lighten her mood. "I think my heart is broken enough for both of us, honey."

We walked out of the elevator quickly, waving to Alec as he opened the door of the apartment building for us.

"I know that, Bella. I do. I just wish you wouldn't let him get under your skin the way he does. I know he's going to upset you today."

"I've dealt with seeing them together before. I'll do it again today and then hopefully this is the last professional thing we have to do together and he can go on his merry way with Lauren never to be seen by me again."

Alice looked annoyed. "You should have fired his ass from this, Bella."

"Edward would have went around me and begged Emmett to let him do it anyway. Why upset him so close to his wedding, you know? It doesn't matter. Edward's in and there's no turning back now."

We walked swiftly towards the office building, located exactly three blocks away from my apartment building. "I just can't believe Emmett allowed it! I mean you and Emmett are so close, I would have thought he would have went completely psycho on Edward for cheating on you."

I looked around, hoping no one heard us talking. "Emmett and Edward have been friends since they were in kindergarten, Ali. Emmett can't just stop being friends with him, even if he did tear my heart to shreds. It's okay though. I've told Emmett and Rose both that I won't be involved with anything that Edward is attending, except for the wedding, from now on. Emmett doesn't have to choose, though Rose has threatened to make him choose me."

We stopped in front of the office and I smiled at the thought, before going on. "It'll be okay. Let's just get through this hellish day as quickly as possible so I can go home and soak in my oversized tub while drinking an _entire_ bottle of wine."

"You always were quite the drunk, Bella." A shrill voice called out. Alice and I turned to see Lauren standing behind us, two Starbucks coffees in her giant, man hands.

"And you always were quite the homewrecking bitch, Lauren," Alice snapped as she opened the door for me to enter. I walked in, followed by Alice who shut the door in Lauren's face, causing her to have to put both coffees down to open it again.

Rose was standing up on a makeshift platform trying on her dress but turned as she heard us walk in. "Bella, I'm so unbelievably sorry! I had no idea."

I knew before she said anything more that she was apologizing for Lauren being there so I waved her off. "Not your fault, you beautiful bride, you."

"I love you, Bella. Emmett and Assward are in his office so that Em doesn't see the dress before the wedding."

"I love you, too Rosebud. Hey, I'm going to go in my office to settle a few things with the wedding coordinator for the magazine and then I'll be out, okay? Alice is going to help with the dress and hopefully," I looked to the door to see Lauren struggling with the fact that she has to pull the door open rather than push it, "hopefully Lauren doesn't figure out how to get in the building before I get back."

Rose snickered, "I have a few 'errands' she's going to run when she finally does figure it out. Don't worry. She'll be out of your hair, Bella."

I waved a thanks and walked into my office, switching on the light and radio immediately. I closed the door as not to disturb the rest of the building.

I flung my purse and jacket on a chair that sat by my door and began humming along to the song playing.

"Still tone-deaf as ever I see," came a voice from my desk.

I jumped ten feet in the air, turning to find Edward sitting at my desk chair, his piercing green eyes boring into mine.

"God, what kind of a person sits in someone's dark office just to scare them?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Edward stood slowly, timing his steps towards me so that he walked at an agonizingly slow pace.

"The kind of person that isn't ready to let go just yet."

I furrowed my brow, "What game are you playing _now_, Edward?"

"No game at all. I just wanted to go over a few things."

"Well, you can talk to Emmett or Rose about the wedding spread. They have complete control over that."

I opened the door to my office, motioning for him to leave. He pressed a lean finger to the door, closing it again. He was too close to me. I couldn't take being so close, all my nerve went out the window.

"I want to talk to _you_ about it," he said seductively.

"Well, _we_ have nothing left to say to one another. I think _you_ made that clear six months ago," I fumed.

Edward sighed, "Has it really been six months since I've had you, Bella? It went by so fast."

I laughed bitterly, "I guess time flies when you're fucking a skank you cheated on me with. Now, _please_ leave."

He put a hand on my shoulder to stop me from opening the door again. "Please let me talk to you. We have to get some things in order."

I relented out of sheer exhaustion already. "Fine, Edward. Just...tell me what you want so that I can get you out of here faster."

"I miss you."

"Get out."

"I do, Bella. I really, really do."

I snapped, mocking him, "You do? You really, really do? Give me a break, Edward. You just want to make sure I haven't moved on."

"And have you?" He asked arrogantly, running a finger down my cheek.

"Get out!" I shouted louder this time.

"Answer me, Bella," He said sternly.

"Edward, you need to leave my office. Go take the damn pictures you're supposed to take for this spread so that I can get you and your... _girlfriend," _I said as if the label left a disgusting taste in my mouth, which it did,"out of my building."

He smiled the crooked smile I had always adored on him before leaning in close to my face, "You are so heartbreakingly beautiful when you're angry."

"You are the expert at heartbreak after all. Get out! Get out! Get OUT!" I screamed as I opened the door to my office. Jasper happened to be walking by as I shouted, stopping to look inside.

"Everything okay, Bella?" He asked worriedly.

"No, it's not. I want him out of my office." I motioned to Edward with my head.

Jasper sighed, running a hand through his sandy blond hair. "Edward, man, come on. Don't make a scene here."

Edward gave in and started walking out of the door, but not before stopping to whisper in my ear, "I'll see you soon, Isabella."

I slammed the door when he left and stomped over to my desk.

How was I going to get through an entire wedding ceremony with my ex-fiance if I can't even stand to be in the same room with him?

~*~

**Lemme know whatcha think of this. Should I go on?**


	3. For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

**Ohhhh, Bella is a mad girl in this one. Keep in mind, she hasn't seen Edward lately. So everytime she does, all that anger and resentment bubbles back to the surface. She still refuses to show Edward any tears though, just anger and sarcasm. Stick with her, she's been through a lot. I'm only touching on a bit of that awful night of infidelity. There's more drama to that night...trust me. But keep in mind, it was pretty out of character for Edward to stray. You'll get more explanations into why he did in later chapters, so be patient lovies. Thanks for reading. Makes me all giddy.**

**My usual reviewers/readers/_friends_, my goodness how I LOVE YOU! Words can't express what it means to me to hear what you have to say. And even if you're just reading and not reviewing, thanks, too. **

**To Maiya and Adriana, I love you girls dearly. (And Adriana is getting married in a week and a half, so YAY, congratulations sweetie!) **

**My loverface, AmeryMarie, she knows I love her and her porntastic tweets.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I just make Edward a human for fun.**

~*~

Just talk yourself up  
And tear yourself down  
You've hit your one wall  
Now find a way around  
Well what's the problem?  
You've got a lot of nerve

So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this,  
You never wanted to stay  
I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away  
You threw it away

I'm not so naive  
My sorry eyes can see  
The way you fight shy  
Of almost everything  
Well, if you give up  
You'll get what you deserve

So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
So what did you think I would say?  
No you can't run away, no you can't run away  
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this  
You never wanted to stay  
I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away  
You threw it away

You were finished long before  
We had even seen the start  
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it  
Fight with your bare hands about it now

I never wanted to say this  
You never wanted to stay, well did you  
I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away

I never wanted to say this  
You never wanted to stay  
And I put my faith in you, so much faith  
And then you just threw it away

_For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic_ - Paramore

~*~

What I had originally thought would be the day from Hell, turned out to be much, much worse than that. I would have gladly taken a trip to the Underworld and lived there for two years rather than face the catastrophe of this day ever again.

As if Edward being bunkered down in my office, stalker-style, wasn't enough, I had to deal with Lauren hanging around the office as well.

Rose did her best to try and make sure that Lauren was in the same room as me as little as possible, but sometimes the girl just wouldn't take the hint that not many people were fond of her. She was like an annoying mosquito, trying to suck the life out everyone she possibly could.

The only redeeming thing about the day from Hell was that I wasn't subjected to witnessing any PDA from the happy homewreckers. Oddly enough anytime Lauren came within a foot or so of Edward he always seemed to find something else to do and she would go off and pout somewhere.

I wasn't shy about watching their interactions nor was I shy about displaying my amusement anytime he shut her down.

Towards the middle of the day, after the tailor had left, Rose called asking if they could have her dress done by next week.

As she hung up the phone she nibbled on a breadstick carefully so she didn't mess up her dress and Lauren started laughing.

"You know _Rose_, if you cut back on the carbs, your dress wouldn't have to be let out so far," Lauren sneered, as she watched Rose posing in front of the mirror.

_Rookie mistake, dear Lauren. This is going to be ugly._

Rosalie prided herself on her figure, which I couldn't blame her she looked like a model with her blond hair and slim figure, but lately she'd been worrying over a few pounds she gained.

"And if you don't cut the snide remarks I'm going to take you out, _Laur_," Rose lashed out at her. "And my name is Rosalie to _you_."

Edward chose that moment to snap a candid photo for the spread.

"What in the hell would make you think to take my picture now?" Rose asked furiously, her hands balling up into fists.

"Your cheeks were all flushed from threatening to kill Lauren. The color was so vivid against the white dress, I had to take it," he answered calmly as Lauren huffed and sat down, obviously hurt that Edward hadn't stuck up for her.

I rolled my eyes because he took the picture to be an asshole. I turned around when I heard Alice and Jasper come in, hoping against hope for some help with the she-beast that was Lauren. Jasper nodded his head at me as Alice approached carrying three boxes of shoes.

"Here Rose, it's time to pick your shoes," Alice began as I excused myself to go make a few phone calls. I looked at my watch as I walked, praying that it would be close to closing time.

No such luck.

I walked in my office, searching for any hiding Edwards before shutting the door. I contemplated locking it and pushing my bookshelf in front of it for good measure but I figured I was being just a wee bit dramatic.

Sighing, I deposited my tired butt into my desk chair to make a few calls for the wedding and upcoming feature in the magazine. First up was a rep. over at a local restaurant who graciously offered to donate catering services to Rose and Emmett's wedding if we ran a full page ad in our magazine for the next six months free of charge. The deal was honestly too awesome to pass up so I was jumping on the opportunity.

After that I had to call and make sure that our publishing company would be on schedule for this issue to come out. The wedding was in two weeks and I wanted to have a week after it was over to edit the final look of the spread before sending it off to be published. It didn't leave a lot of time, but I knew that we could pull it off, so long as they could as well.

After making those two important calls I needed to make a personal call to my dad, Charlie. While I lived in Florida for most of my life with Renee and Phil, Charlie lived in a small town in Washington called Forks. For two weeks every summer, I went to Forks to see him and it was unbelievably boring. Most of the time I was there I was counting down the days until I could go back to Florida with Rose.

The only thing that really ever got me through those trips to see Charlie, was his best friend's son, Jacob Black. Jacob was a year younger than me and lived on a nearby reservation, La Push. He always knew how to make me laugh and whenever we hung out it seemed like the weeks just flew by.

One of the times I visited Charlie, I think I was sixteen or seventeen, he took Jacob and I to see a concert in Seattle. At the time Rose and I had been planning on going to college in Florida but after experiencing the atmosphere that was Seattle, I convinced her that she had to come with me the following summer and see the city for herself. The next year she did just that and she fell in love with it just as quickly as I did.

And she also grew to love Charlie.

After our parent's deaths, he began extending invitations to Rose and I to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with him in Forks. So Rose and I would make the drive to spend the holidays with Charlie. Each time we had more and more fun. Soon enough we were our own little make-shift family.

I dialed Charlie's number, tapping a pencil on the desk as I waited for him to pick up. The call quickly went to his answering machine. I knew Charlie was often out and about as he was the Chief of police in his sleepy town, so I left a message with the information I needed to tell him.

"Hey Char, uh, Dad. It's Bella. I just wanted to call and touch base with you about Rose's wedding. You know it's in two weeks and I need you to be here the day before the wedding for the rehearsal dinner. Be sure to take off two days, okay? It really made Rose happy that you agreed to walk her down the aisle so, thanks again. It means the world to her...and to me. Um, yeah. So...don't forget your tux and wear black dress socks or Alice will go crazy, you know that. Call me when you get this. Okay, love you, bye."

I hung up, sighing. I had planned on saying so much more but my head was so clouded with images of Edward and Lauren, I just couldn't concentrate.

As if she could sense my discomfort, Lauren walked right into my office without knocking. I looked up shocked that she had the audacity to traipse her homewrecking ass into my space. Wasn't it enough that she wormed her way into my would-be husband's bed?

I bit back every rude, sarcastic remark I wanted to say. "What can I do for you, Lauren?"

"You can stay the hell away from Edward, _Bella_."

I took a deep breath before I spoke, trying to reign in my temper.

_Kill her with kindness, Bella._

"I assure you I have no idea what you mean, Lauren. Today is the first time in months that I've seen him."

"Whatever. I saw the way you were looking at him out there and I just came to tell you that you need to get over it. He left you. He wanted me. Deal with it," she sneered viciously.

I slammed a hand on my desk, standing as I did. "Now listen here you little twit, regardless of our history I will not allow you to speak to me that way in _my_ office. You can either stop the catty bitchiness or you can leave the building. Your choice. If you're so secure in your 'relationship', and I use that term loosely, then you should have nothing to worry about when it comes to Edward and me."

Lauren smiled wide. "Whatever. I have an errand to run for Rose anyway."

I rolled my eyes at her, shooing her with my hands. "Go along then."

She began to leave but turned around to say something else. "You know when I was your assistant I used to think you had the perfect life. I was _so_ jealous of everything- the magazine, your friends, and of course, Edward. But now, _I _have him and I can see how envious you are of _me_ and I just love every minute of it. Your friends are all paired off, getting married, leaving you behind. All you'll have left soon is your _precious_ magazine. The same magazine that was the entire reason you lost Edward to begin with, right?"

I was up and out of my seat before I could even comprehend what I was doing. I shoved her out of my open office door, screaming as I did. "I lost him because you were a backstabbing _whore_ and ruined everything. And you have no idea what this magazine means to me so get the fuck out!"

Lauren fell to the floor dramatically, grabbing her ankle as if I hurt it. Alice and Rose looked up from where they were sitting trying on Rose's heels for her dress.

"You crazy bitch!" Lauren yelled, her voice piercing the eardrums of everyone in the room.

"I'll show you a crazy bitch if you so much as step one toe in this office again. Get the fuck out!"

Edward came running from Emmett's office, with Emmett close behind hiding his eyes so he wouldn't see Rose's dress, to find out what all the commotion was. Edward tried to grab one of my elbows to turn me to face him but I yanked my arm out of his grasp violently, turning on him the second I was free.

"Don't you fucking _touch_ me. You gave up that right when you chose that _bitch_," I pointed to Lauren, "over me. As a matter of fact, you get out, too. We have enough pictures for today. I don't want to see you again until the wedding."

Edward took a tentative step towards me, bypassing Lauren lying on the floor. "What happened, Bella?"

I started to feel the tell-tale signs of a migraine coming on. "What happened? What happened, he asks." I said to no one imparticular.

I pushed my way past him and ran to my office. I grabbed my purse and jacket, slamming the door shut as I left. Emmett was waiting right outside of my door as I walked out.

I jumped, smacking his arm for scaring me. "Christ. As big as you are, I can't believe I didn't see you standing there."

Emmett smiled, "Well that's what happens when you have a rage blackout now isn't it?"

"You just have no idea the things she said to me, Em. She's lucky all I did was shove her. I gotta go, I'll see you guys later. Go back to your office so you don't see Rose in her dress." I hugged him tightly before leaving.

As I walked out, I noticed that Edward had Lauren in a far corner of the office and they seemed to be arguing. I was too angry to give a shit so I stomped my way to the front door.

Rose and Alice were waiting for me at the door, worried expressions on their beautiful faces.

"Don't let him win, Bella. You can do this," Rose pleaded with me.

I laughed loudly. "No, I can't. I really, really can't. She came in and rubbed every insecurity I have in my face and there isn't a damn thing I can say to correct her. She's right! He cheated on me because I spent so much time here instead of at home with him."

Alice scoffed, "Are you kidding me with this shit? It doesn't matter if you were here every night, he never should have slept with someone else! You were engaged to be married for God's sake. He should have honored that promise. This isn't your fault."

Rose nodded her head, her violet eyes full of worry. "He was the one in the wrong. He was away a lot for his job, too, Bella. If he was so worried about spending time with you then he could have cut back his career, too."

"Gah! I just want to punch something right now. I gotta get out of here. I hate to run out on this Rose but everything is taken care of. Alice is writing the article, the caterers were called and booked, everything is good with the publishers, and Charlie knows to be here in two weeks. Past that, the asshole should have enough candid shots of you and Emmett preparing for the wedding. Tell him to put the prints on my desk and not to come back to the office unless he's asked to. Lauren is not to be in this building ever again."

Rose hugged me tightly. "Don't worry about the spread, Bella. We can handle all that. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm fine, really. I just want to go home and soak in my tub. Call me later, okay?"

She nodded tightly, "I love you, sissy."

"I love you, too. Tell Emmett I'm sorry for running out on this."

"Bella, stop it. Go relax. I have everything under control here," Alice chided.

I waved goodbye to them and bounded out the door.

Edward being around messed with my perfectly put together facade I've been trying to show to my loved ones. I rarely show how hurt I am from all this. Save for the first month of being without Edward, I usually only showed my anger towards the situation. I had resolved myself to stop the tears. They wouldn't bring him back.

When I was finally safe in the confines of my apartment, I began to mentally fall apart little by little. I wouldn't cry, not even by myself, though the tears were always there, trying to slip out. I ran myself a warm bath in my oversized tub and poured myself a very large glass of wine. As I took my first sip, before slipping into the tub, I couldn't help but think of the disaster that was today.

Lauren's nasally voice weaved its way into my head, unwanted and toxic, filling me with emotions I had thought I'd done a good job of pushing down until recently.

..._I can see how envious you are of me and I love every minute of it_...

I was certainly envious. She took what was mine and I _wasn't_ over it.

..._Your friends are all paired off, getting married, leaving you behind_...

It did feel that way sometimes. Rose and Emmett were about to walk down the aisle and I knew it was only a matter of time before Jasper proposed to Alice. And the thing that bothered me the most was how hard it was to really let go of Edward. He was such an integral part of my life for so long, it just feels wrong to turn my back on my feelings for him. I had planned to spend the rest of my life with him after all.

..._The same magazine that was the entire reason you lost Edward to begin with..._

I thought back to the way Edward and I were before everything went down hill. Everything about our relationship was out of the ordinary. After that first encounter in my office when he saved me from falling, I knew I had wanted to be with him. Just from a simple touch, some part deep down inside of me was screaming at me, _'this is the one, don't let him get away!'_

So when he asked me out on a date the very next night I didn't hesitate to say yes. We went to dinner and ended up talking until early the next morning. We didn't sleep together or anything, we literally just talked for the entire night.

And from that very first date and on, we were literally inseperable. He started taking photos and even started writing a music critique once a month for _New Moon_ which only made me fall harder for him. He knew what the magazine meant to me, he knew that I had started it to honor my mother, and he wanted to be a part of that with me.

After a year of dating, we moved in with one another. At least officially, seeing as he was always staying over at my apartment anyway. He had been living with Emmett when he first came back to Seattle but once Rose and Emmett started dating, Rose was always spending the night over there and it made Edward uncomfortable to hear them, well,_ together._

I never would have described my relationship with Edward as unhealthy, though my friends never seemed to understand it fully. Don't get me wrong, they supported us, but they thought that I was too dependent on Edward and that he was a bit possessive and jealous. Which he was. Unbelievably so sometimes but for some reason it never _really_ bothered me. I loved him and I loved that he wanted me all to himself. Plus, I liked spending most of my time with him.

Soon enough though, the jealousy began to poison our relationship, slowly but surely. First, it was jealousy over how much time I spent at work. On top of that issue, he despised my friendship with Jacob. He didn't understand it, didn't approve of it. He always assumed that Jacob had more than platonic feelings for me which I knew wasn't true. He had been in love with a girl from the reservation he lived on, Leah, for over three years, and at the time was too scared to tell her.

When Jacob decided to move to Seattle almost a year ago, it was after his father died suddenly. Edward swore he had ulterior motives in doing so. I called him childish and ridiculous and promptly went with Jacob to dinner as soon as he was settled to try and console him. I knew what it was like to lose a parent and Jacob's sisters both lived out of the state. He had no one to turn to.

I knew it would probably piss Edward off that I was with Jacob, but I knew it was innocent. If I had known it would be a part of the demise of my relationship, I might have thought it over and declined to go with Jacob.

When I got home from the dinner, I walked into our apartment to find it in complete shambles. He had strewn the dining room chairs across the room, mirrors were broken, and dishes demolished. Edward was standing by the window, overlooking the city. His knuckles were bloodied and his shirt was ripped. He had a wild look to his eyes and he was breathing raggedly.

"Are you leaving me for Jacob?" He asked between deep breaths.

"What? What are you talking about? Of course not, Edward! Don't be ridiculous," I shouted.

He turned to look at me, grabbing my shoulders with so much passion it took my breath away. His usually vibrant green eyes, were darker, scarier, and his hair was messier than normal.

"I cannot stand the thought of you alone with another man. I don't care if he's your _best_ friend. You. Are. Mine, Isabella," he said, low and seductive.

I gasped loudly, not because I was surprised he was saying the things he was saying, but because I _liked_ the things he was saying. I felt sexy and wanted. I liked getting this reaction from him.

We ended up making love amid the destruction that night.

Passionate and wild.

The sound of my phone ringing echoed through the apartment. I wanted to ignore it but part of me worried that something else had happened at the office so I quickly jumped out of the tub, wrapping myself in my robe.

I scurried to the couch where my purse was and dug out my phone.

_Jacob._

Breathlessly I answered, "Hey Jake. What's up?"

"I'm getting married, Bella!"

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I'd venture to say I was down right _flabbergasted_. And to be perfectly honest, I felt a bit guilty at the flash of envy I felt as well.

I tried to recover from my shock by spitting out the first thing that came to my mind. "What? I thought you and Leah broke up because she didn't want to move off the rez. Why didn't I know you were back together?"

"Well that's probably because you've been up to your ears in work with no time to talk to your old pal Jacob."

I snorted, "Ahh...this is true. _So_, spill. What's the deal?"

"Well I'm not one to toot my own horn, _but_ Leah showed up at my apartment about a month ago to confess her undying love for me...oof."

"Jake?"

"Sorry, Leah gut-checked me."

I laughed and he went on, "What I meant to say was she came to Seattle to make sweet, sweet love to me...OOF."

I heard the phone fall to the ground and the line disconnect.

Leah must have done more than gut-check him that time and I figured Jake would call me back as soon as he could. I tossed my phone on the couch and ventured to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. As I was twisting off the cap, I heard an incessant, loud knocking on my door.

_I was just trying to relax. What now?_

Sighing, I put the watter bottle on the counter and shuffled over to look out the peephole at my visitor.

All I saw was black so I figured it was Emmett being a goof and covering the peephole like he usually did when he came over with Rose.

I opened the door, scowling as I said, "You know Em, one of these days I'm going to open the door to a murderer or rapist because I can't see who's knocking."

Only it wasn't Emmett knocking on my door.

"What the hell are you doing here? I can't believe Alec let you in the building."

_First Alice, now Edward. Alec, Alec, Alec, we're going to have some words, buddy._

Edward sauntered into my apartment, uninvited and arrogant.

"Hello? I'm talking to you."

He turned to me, "I hear you. I'm just a little distracted from your outfit." He pointed to my robe and I immediately pulled it tighter to my body and blushed.

"Get out, Edward."

Leaning over me to shut the door, he brushed my hair off of my shoulders, lingering a bit longer than was comfortable for me.

"You know you don't really want me out," he whispered melodically in my ear, his breath causing the hair on my neck to stand on end.

Shaking the feeling off, I sneered, "Gee, you're right. When I said 'get out, Edward' I meant please, stay. Take a load off."

He went and sat on the couch, placing his feet up on the coffee table. "Thanks, I think I will."

I scowled again, crossing my arms over my chest. "_Why_ are you here?"

His face softened a bit, part of his mask of indifference towards me falling off, "I wanted to make sure you were alright. You left in such a hurry that I didn't get a chance to check on you."

"Well thanks for your concern but I'm just fine, nothing a bottle of wine and sleep won't fix. Now, _leave_."

"I like when you cross your arms like that. The view is delicious."

I looked down at my chest, realizing by crossing my arms, I was putting my breasts on display for him. I quickly dropped my arms to the side. I narrowed my eyes at him but he just smiled.

My phone rang again and I immediately started to panic. I knew who was calling me back and my phone was sitting on the couch next to Edward. Of course he had heard it and being the asshole he is, picked it up to look at the caller i.d.

"Why the fuck is Jacob Black calling you, Bella?" He demanded.

I smiled wickedly. "Sorry, that's none of your business anymore."

I snatched the phone from his hand and answered the call.

I knew I was being a spiteful bitch when I answered but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to piss Edward off.

_Immature? _

_Yes. _

_Do I care? _

_No._

"Hey _Jakey_."

Jacob laughed, confused. "Uh, Jakey? When the hell did you start calling me Jakey?"

_Ugh, what am I doing?_

I turned away from Edward so he couldn't see my face as I spoke to Jacob.

"I don't know...ignore me, I've been drinking," I said, letting out a long, defeated breath.

"Okayyy. Anyway, sorry about hanging up earlier. Leah got a little frisky," he joked and I could just picture him wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I laughed, despite my foul mood. "It's okay but listen, something came up here. Let me go and I'll give you a call back later tonight, okay?"

"Sure, sure. Talk to you later, Bells. Bye."

I hung up the phone and turned around, watching Edward as he seethed in his anger.

"Oh...are you still here?" I asked with a hint of snobbery in my tone, trying to goad him.

He jumped off the couch and stood directly in front of me.

"Now, now. We need to figure out a way to be civil for this wedding, _Isabella_. Emmett is not happy with me right now."

"Oh! I got it...don't go," I deadpanned.

"Not going to happen." He shook his head, causing a few errant strands of hair to fall towards his eye.

I put a finger on my chin, as if deep in thought. "Okay, how about you tell Skankarella to stay home."

"Done."

I furrowed my brow, "What do you mean 'done?'"

"I mean her and I are done."

I snorted in disbelief.

Apparently he had more to say. "When I asked her what she said to make you so angry I was appalled. No one should speak to you in that manner." He spoke quickly as he said, "And I meant it when I told you I missed you."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring his last comment. "So, you two are done? For how long this time?"

"For good."

"You've said that two other times before. Both times you told me you missed me, as well. So, forgive me for not believing you."

"I mean it. I broke up with her last night and that's probably why she was so hell-bent on being at the office when you were. She was jealous and she thinks I'm going to change my mind about her but I'm not. I didn't even pay attention to her all day. I know you noticed. Everytime I ignored her you practically did a happy dance."

_Don't fall for it, Bella. Protect your heart. Or at least what's left of it._

"Riiight. Listen, Edward, your relationships are none of my concern anymore. Haven't been for some time now. So, let's just get through this wedding, put on happy faces for our best friends and once it's over, cut ties completely with each other."

He looked wounded, though I knew he was good at playing the victim. "You know we can't ever do that. I'm Emmett's best friend. He's marrying your _sister_. We're going to see one another."

I shook my head. "No, we're not. I've already told Rose and Emmett that while I love them dearly, I won't be attending any parties or events that you're attending. We'll just have to, for lack of a better word, share them. You know, like divorced parents do with their kids."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why are you being so damn difficult, Bella? I'm telling you I miss you. Why can't you just accept that I'm not ready to let you go?"

The words were out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. "That's too bad because I'm taking a date to the wedding."

"Jacob?" He asked through gritted teeth.

_Uhhh...say something, come on!_

"Yes," I said, my voice shaking a bit.

His hands tightened into fists at his side. "You have a lot of nerve, Bella."

"I have a lot of nerve? Me? What about you?! You cheated on me with _my_ assistant! In _our_ apartment!"

His shoulders visibly tensed and he barked out, "You know what? Fine, Bella! Have it your way. I sure hope _Jakey_ knows what he's getting into with you. Late nights at the office, men constantly around you, the way you-"

I bit back a sob, refusing to allow him to see me cry. "Get out, Edward."

His shoulders slumped and he took a step towards me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"I said get out, Edward. I'll see you at the wedding."

He must have heard the finality in my tone because he walked to the door, opening it slowly. He took one last look back at me, opened his mouth to say something but then quickly closed it. He waved goodbye weakly and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

I ran for the bottle of wine in the kitchen, bypassing a glass, and chugging straight from the bottle.

As I became more and more intoxicated, I began to replay the entire conversation with Edward in my head, much like I did with Lauren's words earlier. A good three hours or so later, I realized just what I had said to Edward.

I told him I'm going with Jacob to the wedding.

_Shit._

Crawling my drunk ass to the phone I had thrown back on the couch, I noticed I had unread text messages.

_Bella, Are you okay? Call me later. -Alice_

_You know I'll cut a bitch. Say the word. -Rosebud _

_Isabella- "The course of true love never did run smooth." -Edward_

I rolled my eyes at the last message. Quoting Shakespeare in a text message, who does that? I messaged Rose and Alice back telling them both I was okay, albeit a bit drunk, and that I'd be back at the office tomorrow bright and early.

My finger hovered over the button that would delete the text from Edward. I didn't know why I was hesitating. It should be as easy as breathing to delete the message from my cheating bastard of an ex-fiance.

But it wasn't.

Because if I'm being completely honest with myself, I hadn't been able to breathe properly since he left. And having a reminder that he too thought about me once and awhile was nice, even if it was completely depressing at the same time.

I sighed to myself yet again, as I pushed the button to exit my messages without deleting Edward's. I knew I was being weak but at that moment I resigned myself to the fact that I would probably never get over Edward Cullen fully. I was doomed to a solitary life, the only company being my cats.

_What a brilliant idea. I need to get some cats. Hmmm...yeah, that's probably a thought for when I'm not three sheets to the wind._

Climbing into bed, phone in hand, I texted Jacob.

_Jake- Sorry about earlier. Um, Leah might kill me but I need a huge favor. Call me tomorrow? -Bells_

Jacob texted back almost immediately, causing me to jump in my drunken stupor.

_Bells- Why would she kill you? Are __**you**__ finally admitting your undying love for me now, too? -J_

Like having one arrogant bastard in my life wasn't enough.

_J- Dream another dream, cowboy. Ask Leah if I can borrow you for Rose's wedding. Bribe her with free shoes from Alice. -B_

_B- Funny you should mention cowboys, that's the outfit Leah picked out for me for tonight. She says sure about the wedding. -J_

_J- Gross, I'll never look at cowboys the same again, thanks. Tell Leah I owe her one. I'll explain the details later but it involves Edward and it's GAH, nevermind. Have fun tonight. -B_

_Bella- Is that asshole bothering you? I swear to God I can be there in five minutes. Leah will understand. -Jacob_

Uh oh. Note to self: No mentioning the E-word to Jacob.

_J- Simmer down. I handled him. Talk tomorrow. Goodnight. -B_

I didn't hear back from him after that so I figured Leah distracted him enough to quell his anger. Unfortunately for me, it had my mind reeling again. I didn't know why all my thoughts drifted back to Edward lately. I'd done an okay job patching myself back together after the break up. Maybe it's because I hadn't seen him in a long time until today.

It very well could have been because of all the drama from work or his impromptu visit, _or_ the abundant amount of alcohol I consumed but I found myself missing Edward more than I normally did.

Sure there were the times when I'd feel completely alone, especially when he first moved out of the apartment. But I always threw myself into my work to counteract how much I missed him. Which shows just how right Lauren was that I lost Edward because of my work.

If I would have just came home from work that night...where would we be?

Knowing I would probably regret my next move, I scrolled to Edward's name in my phone and wrote him a message. I was always more brave with the 'written' word than I was when we were face to face. And it could have been all the liquid courage running through my veins that did the trick.

_Edward- Do you really miss me? -Bella_

_Isabella- More than you'll ever know. -Edward_

Huh. For once there's no false bravado in what he's trying to say. Doesn't matter. Angry Bella is definitely the way to handle this situation.

_E- Good, I hope it hurts. You made your bed. Now lie in it. -B_

And with that I turned off my phone and smashed my head into my pillow.

Even in my drunken state though, I knew the anger could only mask the unbearable hurt I felt for a little while longer.

I just had to keep it together until after the wedding. Then I'd never see him again.

If that was the solution, me not seeing him again, to get over him completely, why did the thought bring on even more pain than before?

~*~

**I won't bribe you for reviews, but I will say that they do make me write faster. Thanks for reading!**


	4. I May Hate Myself In The Morning

**Eek, I'm not getting many reviews for this so I don't know how much you guys are into this story. Let me know if you'd like me to continue. If there's no interest in it then I might not go on with it. I dunno, maybe I'm just being an emo-biatch right now, but oh well. This was my first attempt at anything lemony so, let me know how I did, yeah? Thanks darlins. **

**All my lovies who always have something kind to say, I love you all dearly. Thanks to those who consistently read and review. It warms my insides and makes me want to write more.**

**Maiya, Adriana ~ Love you girls and your constant support of my writing. Le sigh, you're just the best.**

**AmeryMarie ~ Quit riding your horse so much and send me a message, Porn Queen. xoxo**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the idea of Robsten owns me. I just adore them together.**

~*~

Ain't it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks,  
And say: "How you been? I been wonderin' that maybe you've been thinkin' 'bout me."  
And somewhere in the conversation, an old familiar invitation always arrives,  
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

Everyone's known someone that they just can't help but want;  
And even though we just can't make it work out, well the want-to lingers on.  
So once again we wind up in each other's arms, pretending that it's right,  
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

I know it's wrong, but it ain't easy moving on.  
So why can't two friends remember the good times once again?

Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll be feeling a little guilty, a little sad,  
Thinkin' how it used to be before everything went bad.  
And I guess that's what it is, in lonely late night calls like this, that we try to find;  
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

_I May Hate Myself In The Morning_ ~ Lee Ann Womack

~*~

The weeks leading up to the wedding passed quickly, with absolutely no drama on the Edward front. While I was surprised I hadn't heard anything about Lauren being back in the picture from Emmett, I didn't dare take Edward's claims of missing me to heart.

_It was safer that way._

The simple reason being that he got off on the fact that I remained single after the breakup. And to assure that I remained single and no one took his place in my life, because he's a selfish bastard that way, he would occasionally throw in the 'I miss you' or 'no one can replace you, Isabella'.

He knew doing so would completely mindfuck me and leave me too confused to even attempt something with someone else.

So to say I was surprised there was no mindfuckery for the past two weeks was quite an understatement.

When the big day finally arrived, Rosalie was a nervous wreck. She nitpicked everything about her appearance and had Emmett scared shitless that she wasn't going to go through with the wedding at all. He said she'd been going crazy for the past week, biting his head off for anything he did.

As we finished getting ready in the church dressing room, Rosalie whined yet again about her hair and I snapped.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, my God, if you don't shut up about your hair I will have to kill you on your wedding day. I don't want to have to do that, but I will. Your hair looks absolutely gorgeous. _You_ look absolutely gorgeous."

"I feel like a cow, sissy. My hair is frizzy, my makeup feels like it's coming off in globs, Emmett is going to be disgusted," she whined, yet again.

For all the time I've known Rosalie, she'd never been one for the theatrics. She usually took everything handed to her in stride. Yet standing in front of the mirror, preparing for the happiest day of her life, she was shaken to the core.

"What is going on with you, Rose?" I asked, genuinely concerned for her well-being at this point.

"I don't know. I don't know! I should not be this stressed on my wedding day, Bella! What _is_ wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you. Maybe it's just cold feet or nerves or something. You'll be okay, though. You know you love Emmett, you know you're meant to be together."

Rose sat down on a nearby chair, looking at her wedding dress hanging by the door with longing.

"I'm not nervous about the wedding. I _am_ supposed to be with Emmett. I know that. It's just..." she began, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll get it, you stay put," I told her.

I walked over to the large wooden door, opening it slowly, and peeking my head out. Emmett had tried to see Rose twice already today to calm his nerves that the wedding was indeed on, so I had to make sure it wasn't him, _again._

_Oh, how I wish it were Emmett now._

"Edward." I greeted him coldly. "What can I do for you?"

"Now you know you shouldn't ask _me_ of all people that, Isabella. I can think of quite a few things you can 'do for me'," he said with a wink.

_Dick. _

_Unbelievably gorgeous-in-a-tux-I-could-rip-off-him-at-any-moment-dick._

Going two weeks without seeing him did wonders for my temper.

Yet here he stands, _again_, in all his beautiful glory, setting my blood on fire, from want or anger or both. Of the three I wasn't sure.

I rolled my eyes, deciding I would quit the bitch act for the day. It _was_ my sister's wedding, after all.

"It's Rose and Em's day...I'm going to pretend you didn't say that and not get mad at you. What's up?" I asked again, trying to lighten the tone of my voice.

He looked a bit shocked that I had dropped the attitude, but quickly recovered. "I just needed to take some pictures of Rose and the bridesmaids before the wedding. I wanted to know when I could do that."

I chanced a peek at Rose, still staring at her wedding dress and sighed.

"We need a little while longer. Alice should be here any second to dress Rose. She had to do a last minute shoe switch."

He looked confused but gave me his crooked smile. "Okay, I'll come back in," he looked at his watch, "twenty minutes? Will that do?"

"Yep. Perfect," I managed to get out while attempting to shut the door.

"Bella, wait," he said as he put his foot in the door to stop it from closing.

Putting my mask of detachment back on I looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"Can we...I'd like...," he sighed inbetween his words, "Can you save me a dance at the reception?"

I couldn't help myself when I said, "You mean...like a farewell dance?"

He frowned, running a hand through his hair. "No, that's not what I meant at all. But if that's what you need to call it in order to allow me to dance with you, then so be it. I need to...I need to be near you again, Bella. I miss you."

Why was he doing this to me _now_? I'd been fine for weeks on end, hell, months on end, but he shows up and, _poof, _all pre-determined choices I had made regarding him seem to fly out the window.

He cheated on me.

He cheated on me after he had asked for my hand in marriage.

_Marriage. _

As in, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

Yet, here I sit, _idiot extraordinaire_, considering dancing with him after telling him I never wanted to see him again after this wedding.

_Kinda wishy-washy if you ask me, Bella, _I thought._ Shut up, what do you know? _I sneered back_. _

Wow. I'm arguing with myself.

_Lovely._

"Edward, can we talk about this at the reception? I'm kinda in the middle of helping Rose through a crisis here."

He furrowed his brow, "Fuck. Is she backing out of this? I swear..."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Do you really think that would happen? We're talking about Rosalie and Emmett here, not you and me."

I closed my eyes quickly, regretting the words I'd said as soon as I'd said them. He looked hurt, and fuck me if I didn't feel bad, even though I shouldn't have.

"Right. Well...I'll go let Emmett know everything's alright and I'll be back, okay?" He said shortly.

All I could do was nod as I shut the door.

Rosalie let out a tiny sniffle as she said, "Who was that?"

I sighed for the eight hundredth time this month.

"The bane of my existence."

"Edward?"

"The one and only."

Alice chose then to appear with the shoes for Rose. "Okay, these should fit," she said quickly. Adding, "I mean I've heard of cold feet before a wedding but swollen feet? This is ridiculous."

Rose and I giggled as we watched Alice bounce around the room grabbing everything she needed to finish Rose's flawless look.

"I can't believe my feet look like this. What the hell is wrong with me?" Rose whined yet again, tears brimming her eyes as she studied her feet. Her mood swings were out of control. It was beginning to worry me.

"Snap out of this funk, missy! You need to get in your dress," Tiny Tyrant ordered.

"Shove it, Alice. I don't want to. I'm too fat for my dress."

"Can it, Rose. You are not. The tailor altered it perfectly. Stand up so we can help you into it," TT ordered again.

She did as she was told and Alice re-applied some makeup that had become smudged from Rose's constant waterworks. Once she was in her dress, make-up and hair done spectacularly, Rose's mood seemed to perk up a bit. Alice grabbed the bottle of champagne she had put on ice when we first got here and poured some into three glasses.

"Come on, girls. Let's have a glass of this to ward off those nerves," she suggested.

We each took a glass and I announced that I'd like to say something before we drank.

"To my sister, Rosebud, on her wedding day. I hope that everything you dream for and more comes to you. I love you," I raised my glass and we clinked them together, all taking sips appreciatively.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed that Edward had snuck in to take some more candid shots. Alice noticed him next, narrowing her eyes.

"What are _you_ doing in here?"

I came to his defense though I had no idea why. "It's alright, Ali. I told him to get some shots of the wedding parties getting ready for the spread."

Alice visibly relaxed. She smiled brightly, sticking her nose in the air a bit. "Just make sure you get my good side, _Eddie_."

Feeling the tension in the room, I suggested we pose for a few pictures as well. That way we had plenty of options as to what pictures would make it into the magazine. Alice and I stood next to Rose as Edward took our pictures.

Some were silly and some were serious, but we had fun.

There was another knock on the door and all four sets of eyes looked as Charlie walked into the room.

"Bells, Rosie...it's time-" Charlie's eyes narrowed to almost slits as he noticed Edward in the room. "What in the hell are you doing in here, Cullen? I thought I told you to stay the hell away from Bella."

Edward was slinking farther back into the room with each word out of Charlie's mouth. I figured I'd rescue him yet again seeing as he was definitely not Mr. Popularity at this wedding.

"Dad, relax. He's taking the pictures for the wedding. Now, what were you going to tell us?"

Charlie huffed, but turned to look at Rose and I. "I was just going to tell you girls it's time." He noticed Alice then and added, "Oh, hey there, Alice."

"Hey there yourself, Chief," she said as she picked up one of his pant legs to inspect his socks. "Good job, Papa Swan. You remembered the black socks. You look so handsome," she squealed as she clapped her hands together.

Charlie actually blushed and grumbled his thanks before looking back to Rose. "You ready for this, Rosie?"

Rose took a deep breath, "Let's do this, Papa Bear."

Charlie offered his arm to Rose, winking at me as he left the room. Alice followed, holding Rose's train as she walked. I finished my champagne quickly, putting the glass down and taking one last look in the mirror.

"I forgot to mention how beautiful you look today, Isabella," Edward breathed in my ear from behind me. The action sent shivers down my spine and I closed my eyes tight, hoping to hide my traitor body from him so he couldn't see just how much he affected me.

I gritted my teeth, angry at myself for letting him get to me so much. "Thank you. Now come on, we're going to be late."

Edward opened the door for me and we were off to watch our friends say their 'I do's', both of us painfully aware that we were once supposed to have done the same.

I lined up behind Alice at the top of the aisle, watching as Edward walked down the side aisle to his spot next to Emmett. I couldn't help feeling a bit sad looking at him from down the aisle. I would never know what that was like, to be dressed in white walking towards him. It actually _hurt_ to think about.

I shook off the feeling as Alice began her march down the aisle. She looked gorgeous and completely in her element as she practically floated towards her spot at the altar.

I prayed to any available higher being that I just made it down the aisle without tripping and falling flat on my face in front of all the wedding guests _and_ Edward.

When Alice took her place, I began to walk. I noticed Jacob sitting in the pews, his russet skin and short black hair such a contrast in comparison to his extremely white teeth. I threw him a wink as I made my way to stand next to Alice and wait for Rose.

I couldn't help myself once I got up there, so I chanced a look at Edward, noticing his mouth turned into a frown. I smiled weakly, looking away just as fast.

My stomach did a flip when I heard the music for "Here Comes the Bride" and everyone stood to watch as Rosalie and Charlie made their way down the aisle. She looked absolutely stunning and Charlie was strikingly handsome in his tux as well. Rose held on to his arm tightly as he proudly walked with her to meet Emmett. As he gave Emmett Rose's hand, he said, "Take good care of her, son," and I almost broke down in tears right there.

The ceremony itself was both emotional and funny, as it _was_ Emmett's wedding. When the minister asked if he took Rosalie to be his lawfully wedded wife he didn't reply with the normal, 'I do', Emmett's reply was, "You bet your ass I do!" Everyone laughed and Rosalie swatted his arm playfully with a beautiful smile on her face.

After they were announced as husband and wife, the minister had to clear his throat to break up their kiss. We all giggled again and watched as the two walked back down the aisle to head for the limo that would take them to the reception.

I looked over to Edward, realizing I would have to walk down the aisle with him as he was Emmett's best man and I was Rose's maid of honor. Alice walked with Jasper next and I sighed.

Edward walked towards me arrogantly, like he always does, putting out his arm for me to take. I looked to Jacob for some reason and his eyes were narrowed, as I placed my hand in the crook of Edward's arm. I gave Jacob a thumbs up that I was okay and he seemed to relax a bit.

Edward leaned over to whisper in my ear as we walked, "Don't forget you promised me a dance."

I looked over to him. "I don't remember ever agreeing. I said I would discuss it with you at the reception."

"Please, Bella?" He threw me his crooked grin that usually made me cave to what ever it was he wanted.

"I said I would think about it, Edward. I mean, I am here with a date and he'll tell Charlie."

He smirked again, "I'll take my chances. Just give me one dance."

I rolled my eyes as we made it to the end of the aisle. I let go of his arm quickly and stood to the side, waiting for Jacob to exit the church. As Charlie made his way out I hugged him tightly. He couldn't make it to the reception because he had to get back to Forks, having already taken two days off. "I love you, Dad. Thank you so much for doing this. It really made her day."

He hugged me tightly and in a very un-Charlie like way whispered, "I love you too, kiddo. You and Rosie are my whole world."

I sighed happily and kissed his cheek, laughing as his mustache tickled me. "Watch out for that thing, it'll getcha," he joked, before waving goodbye to me and making his way over to say goodbye to Rose.

Edward made his way back over and stood next to me.

I gave him a questioning glance. "What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting with you until you agree to the dance."

"Funny, you high-tailed it away from me when Charlie walked over."

He snorted, "I admit I'm stupid but I'm _not_ suicidal. He carries a gun, Bella."

I rolled my eyes, "Not to his daughter's wedding!"

He looked at me as if he didn't quite believe that. "Come on, Isabella. One dance."

I sighed, watching as Jacob inched closer to us by the second. "Why do you have to be so damn persistent?"

He smiled again, "I'm only persistent, when it comes to you, love."

I squeezed my arms around my mid-section, feeling like I would most definitely fall apart if he called me that again.

"Stop it, Edward. Don't call me that."

He nodded, seeming to understand without explanation. "Sorry."

Jacob managed to wiggle through the crowd and joined Edward and I by the door.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek as he snaked an arm around my waist. "Hey Bells. You looked gorgeous up there."

I blushed and Edward exhaled loudly. Jacob looked over to Edward, smirking.

"Cullen."

Edward smirked right back.

"Black."

They eyed each other for a moment before Edward turned to me, "Just think about it, Isabella. I'll see you at the reception." Before he left he placed a kiss on my cheek and despite how angry I was with him, it still made my stomach fill with butterflies.

"Bye, Edward," I managed to squeak out before leaning back on to Jacob's arm.

Jacob practically growled at me. "What are you doing? Stop letting him get to you, again. He_ left_ you, Bella. He didn't want you anymore, remember?"

I winced, "Gee, Jake. Thank you for being so brutally honest. It didn't hurt at all."

He shrugged, unapologetically. "Apparently you've forgotten since you're letting that asshole slobber all over you."

"I didn't let him...just, let's drop it, okay? Come on. Let's go party," I said lamely.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel where the reception would be held, I couldn't help but notice Edward standing outside talking to who else but Lauren.

They seemed to be arguing, but all I saw was red as I realized he lied yet again about her not coming to the wedding.

Jacob parked and walked around to open my door. I thanked him and took him by the hand as I stormed past Edward and Skankarella.

I saw Edward's face pale as he realized I had caught him in yet another lie.

Once we were inside, I promised myself that I wouldn't let seeing Edward and Lauren together bother me. It was my sister's wedding and I was here to celebrate.

Everything was beautifully decorated and I spotted Rose and Em talking to some guests in the middle of the room. I made my way over, catching Rose's eyes as I did. She excused herself and ran right for me. Jacob mentioned he was going to find where his table was, seeing as I had to sit at the wedding party table. He congratulated Rose when she made her way over and then excused himself to sit down.

"You were absolutely beautiful, Rosalie Lillian McCarty," I told her as she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, sissy," she whispered in my ear. "For everything, for the caterers, the magazine, just _everything_. I love you so much."

I hugged her tighter, "Are you kidding me? Don't thank me. I love _you_ so much and I'm so happy for you. I know Renee and Phil are up there smiling down at their beautiful bride." We both smiled sadly, wishing they were here but grateful we had each other.

"Hey, hey! Hands off of wifey, Bells! She's all mine!" Emmett bellowed from behind us.

"I had her first, Em," I joked as I stuck my tongue out at him. Rose pulled away from me laughing, wiping a few fallen tears from her face. She looked so happy and content, it made my heart flutter.

Emmett laughed loudly as he pulled me into a hug as well. "Yeah, well I have her for the rest of my life, so boo-yah sister!"

I laughed again, hugging him tightly. "Congratulations, Em. I always considered you a part of the family but now you're really stuck with me."

He pulled back and looked me directly in the eyes, "I think I can handle that, Bells. You may be my boss, but you're my sister first. I love you."

Tears pooled in my eyes and for once I let them fall, "I love you, too. Gah...take good care of her, okay? Her and Charlie are the only family I have."

He hugged me again, "Always, sis. Always. And that's not true...you just said I'm family now, too."

I hugged him again, nodding. "You're a good man, Emmett McCarty."

I sighed and pulled out of his embrace, telling him I'd see him later. As I made my way over to the wedding party table, Edward stopped me, touching my arm lightly.

"I asked her not to come, Bella. You _have_ to believe me."

A waiter carrying a tray of champagne glasses passed and I grabbed two glasses. Edward smiled, thinking I was going to give him one, but I finished both quickly before saying anything.

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Do you believe me?"

"I told you that your relationships are of no concern to me anymore. You do what you want and I'll do what I want." I made a point of looking over at Jacob and winking.

Edward's jaw tensed as he saw who I was winking at. Alice chose that moment to tell us to take our seats as it was almost time to give our speeches.

Edward pulled my chair out next to Rosalie and stormed over to take his seat next to Emmett.

Edward never took his eyes off of me as Emmett thanked everyone for coming and sharing this day with him and his beautiful _wife_, Rosie. It was like he was trying to tell me something with his eyes but I couldn't understand what that something was.

Eventually we both gave our speeches, though it was hard to give mine without crying. It seemed like this day just brought out every tear I'd been holding in for the past six months or so.

As the music began playing and everyone began drinking more, the fun really started. Jacob brought me over a glass of champagne after I could finally relax from all of my maid of honor duties. We laughed and danced, finally able to catch up on everything.

A slow song came on and he smiled brightly, pulling me close to him.

I sighed as I fell into his embrace. "So, this will be you and Leah soon, huh?"

"Hell yeah. Honestly, being here today just made me even _more_ sure of it. Look at how happy those two are," he said as he nodded his head towards where Rose and Emmett were dancing slowly, looking deep into one another's eyes.

Wiping yet another tear off my face, I whispered, "Yeah, they really do look happy, don't they?"

"Sure, sure. Emmett's good for Rose." I nodded and he continued talking, "So, are you ready to tell me about Edward now?"

I shrugged as he spun me once and brought me back to his chest. "There's nothing to tell. He's pulling the 'I miss you' bullshit again but I've heard it all before, Jake. I told him tonight is the last night we'll see one another. He's not working for the magazine anymore after the wedding spread so we really won't have any reason to see each other after this."

"I wouldn't say that."

I looked up at him questioningly, "What do you mean?"

He twirled me again. "I mean that he hasn't taken his eyes off of you since we started dancing. Hell, he hasn't taken his eyes off of you throughout this whole wedding, Bells. Do you really think it's going to be that easy? A clean break?"

I chanced another look at Edward over Jacob's shoulder. He smiled softly at me, mouthing the word 'beautiful'. I blushed but turned my attention back to Jacob.

"I don't think it's going to be easy, no. But I'm never going to get over him if I don't do this. I've been single long enough. I want _my_ happy ending, too, you know?" I asked him, my voice sad and full of melancholy.

He crushed me to him then, "You will, Bells. You will."

I sighed as the music fell into a faster paced song. "I'm gonna hit the bar. You want anything?"

Jacob blushed and began to shuffle his feet. "Listen, I know this will sound really shitty but would you mind if I bailed out of here early? It's really stupid but," he muttered, "I already miss Leah."

I chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Are you kidding me? I totally threw this on you at the last minute. Thank you for coming at all, _Jakey_," I laughed.

He smiled his warm, welcoming smile and hugged me tight. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"You know I will. Tell Leah I said thanks again and I'm sending her shoes courtesy of Tiny Tyrant."

He laughed loudly, "She'll be thrilled, trust me. Bye Bells. Come have dinner with Leah and me, soon, yeah?"

I nodded and waved weakly as I watched him walk out. As soon as I saw him leave completely I practically ran to the bar.

"What can I get ya, beautiful?" asked the bartender. I was a bit taken aback at how attractive he was. He had sandy blond hair, almost the same color as Jasper's, and beautiful blue eyes like Emmett. He was a bit scruffy but not so much that he looked dirty.

"Tequila. And make it a double please, _handsome_," I replied back, trying to flirt but most likely failing miserably.

He whistled, "Now that is my kinda girl. I'm impressed."

I laughed, "I'm glad I amuse you."

He placed the large shot glass in front of me and I gulped it down greedily.

I tapped the bar, telling him I'd take another.

He raised an eyebrow at me but filled the glass up again. Slamming it back, I let out a loud breath. "Wow. That is some strong stuff. I feel like my throat is on fire."

He chuckled and handed me a glass of Coke. "My name's James, by the way. And you are?"

I took a sip of my drink and extended my hand to him. "Bella."

"See that, I was right on the money calling you beautiful."

I blushed and I think I might have even flipped my hair trying to be flirty. I was well on my way to being drunk. I didn't have the chance to ask James anything else, because suddenly I felt a familiar, warm grasp on my arm.

Looking apologetically back at James, I let Edward lead me onto the dance floor, holding me tight to his perfect body.

"What happened to Jacob?" He whispered huskily in my ear.

"He went home to his fiancee," I admitted.

He pulled back and looked at me. "Fiancee?"

I nodded. "Yep. The same girl he's been in love with for what,_ four _years now?"

He stopped moving altogether and grabbed my shoulders, "You're telling me that Jacob and you are _not_ an item?"

"That's what I've said for what, _four_ years now?" I repeated angrily, pulling out of his embrace and stalking back over to the bar.

James smiled widely at me. "Back so soon, beautiful?"

I nodded and ordered another tequila. He happily obliged but also slipped me a napkin with his number on it. I slammed the drink back, slipping the napkin into my other hand as I put the glass back on the bar.

Edward stalked back over, grabbing my arm and dragging me back to the dance floor. He grabbed the napkin from me and crumpled it, throwing it to the floor.

"Look at me, Isabella," he ordered and for some reason I did. My eyes were filling with tears yet again and I didn't want him to see. "Please just answer me this one question honestly, okay?_ Please_."

I nodded sadly, feeling so overwhelmed and drunk that I didn't care that I was supposed to be mad at him. It felt so damn good to be in his arms again and I wanted to have one last memory of it before we went our separate ways.

"Did you _ever_ sleep with Jacob?"

I tried to wriggle free of his grip again but wasn't as successful this time. "Stay here. Don't run from this. Please answer me. Bella,_ please_."

I looked at his pleading eyes and felt like I could do nothing but answer him honestly.

"Never. We've never even kissed, Edward. It was _always _you. And you ruined _everything_."

He pulled me closer to him, placing one hand in my hair as he grasped the back of my head. Whispering, he said, "I'm so incredibly stupid. I can't believe I made such a mess of things."

"Why would you even ask me about Jacob, Edward?"

He chuckled humorlessly. "To punish myself, I suppose."

I pulled back to look into his eyes, trying to understand what he was saying. My whole body was shaking and I wasn't sure if it was because of all the alcohol I'd ingested or from being so close to him. Close enough to run my hands through his beautiful hair. Close enough to press my lips to his and feel his tongue on mine.

"I don't understand," I said softly. "What's going on?"

He didn't say anything else as we danced closely, both of us forgetting our awful past, and enjoying the feeling of being in one another's arms.

He took one of his hands and ran it down my arm before placing it on the small of my back. I boldly took the hand that was resting on his shoulder and grabbed a fistful of his hair. I don't know why I felt it necessary to do so, but the feeling was incredible. He pressed himself to me and I gasped as I felt his excitement. "That's what you do to me. _Still_. To this day, Isabella."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Well this," I placed his hand over my pounding heart, "this is what you do to me. _Still_. To this day, Edward."

He leaned down ever so slightly and my breath caught in my throat. Was he going to kiss me?

I never got my answer because I felt a tap on my shoulder. Edward jerked his head up to look at the person that interrupted our moment.

"Hey Jasper," I said breathlessly.

He glared at Edward and then looked to me, "Care if I cut in?"

Edward closed his eyes, "No, go ahead." He looked to me, lust in his gaze. "I'll be over by the bar when you're done, okay?"

I nodded weakly and turned to dance with Jazz.

"Tiny Tyrant sent you didn't she?" I asked, a bit annoyed at her antics.

He laughed, "She's worried. You know how she gets."

I mumbled something along the lines of 'cockblocker' and Jazz laughed deeply.

After a minute or so, his hazel eyes looked deep into my chocolate brown eyes and I felt as if he understood just from looking at me the emotions that were running through my body.

"You're just lonely, Bella. Don't let him suck you back in. You've been doing great."

I let out a deep breath. "What if I only wanted him for the night, Jazz?"

He chuckled, "When have you and Edward _ever_ been just for the night, Bells?"

I smirked in return, "Touche, smartass."

He twirled me around a few more times and then kissed my cheek. "Be strong, Bosslady."

I saluted him sarcastically and told him to keep Ali in check for me.

Why I found myself gravitating towards the bar was beyond me.

As I walked up I also found myself being openly ogled by two extremely handsome men. I blushed deeply, trying to use my dark brown hair as a curtain to hide my blush.

I approached the bar, winking at James as I ordered the 'usual'. He smirked and set out a shot glass and a Coke for me.

"Thanks, James." I smiled cheekily.

"No problem, Bella," came his smooth reply. "Hey, I noticed that you dropped my number. Here it is again." He slid the napkin past Edward towards me.

Edward glared between the two of us and said, "I'll have what she's having, John."

"It's James, and sure," James said.

"Whatever, barkeep, just give me the drink and stop flirting with her. She's _mine_." He snatched the number off of the bar and crumpled it again, throwing it on the floor.

Drinking down the shot, I tried to ignore the flurry in my stomach at hearing Edward say I was his. My traitor body was sure to give away how incredibly turned on he made me, even though I couldn't stand him most of the time.

Edward took his shot and threw down a tip for James before grabbing my hand and pulling me from the room. He kept dragging me until we stopped in front of an elevator.

"Where are we going?" I asked, slightly slurring my words.

"To my hotel room," he replied calmly, licking his lips.

_It made me want to lick him. Red alert, Bella! You're too drunk to go to his hotel room! Wake up, dumbass!_

"You got a room here?" I stammered.

He nodded calmly.

The doors to the elevator opened and Edward placed his hand on the small of my back to lead me in.

He pushed the buttons to go to his floor and the doors shut quietly. He turned to look at me then, almost stalking me as he inched closer to me.

"You have _no_ idea what I want to do to you, Isabella."

"I...I...can't do this, Edward. It's wrong. You've been with _her_ and I just can't..."

He snaked his hand around my neck and pulled me to him, "If you must know, I haven't been with her in months, Bella. _Months."_

I swallowed hard and jumped when I heard the doors to the elevator open to his floor.

He led me towards his room and my heart continued to pound wildly in my chest.

Was I going to let this happen?

_My girly parts were saying 'Yes, idiot! You haven't had sex since...him! And don't you remember how GOOD he is?!_

_My brain however was saying 'No, idiot! This is the guy that tore your heart into pieces and then broke the pieces into pieces! Get the hell outta Dodge!_

We arrived at his room and I took a deep breath. He opened the door quickly and before I had a chance to say a word he tugged on my hand and slammed the door shut behind us.

As soon as the door closed, he pressed me up against it, smashing his lips to mine.

_Dear Lord, how I've missed his lips. _

Both my hands went to his hair immediately as he placed his strong hands firmly on my bottom and lifted me so that he was holding all my weight. He still had me firmly pressed against the door and was sucking on my bottom lip as he massaged my ass.

Our tongues began to battle for dominance and he moaned loudly into my mouth. The sound was so erotic it sent shivers down my spine and I instinctively pushed myself against him as hard as I could. The motion knocked him off balance a bit and he stumbled, still holding me. He never stopped kissing me as he led us over to the king sized bed in the middle of the room.

He threw me onto the bed causing me to gasp out loud and he practically growled. The animalistic tone in his voice made me quiver and all I wanted at that minute was him on top of me, taking me anyway he wanted to.

_Fuck it._

He climbed on top of me slowly and his fingers tore at the dress I was wearing. It took me a minute to realize that I was now down to my bra and panties.

_Thank God I talked myself into wearing a matching set for this wedding._

Through my haze, I managed to say, "This doesn't change anything between us, you know."

He ignored me as he kissed the base of my throat and continued on to my ears, nibbling at them, making me wiggle underneath of him. The feeling of his hard length pressed against my body was so foreign yet so familiar and I wanted it. I craved the friction, needed it as if my life depended on it.

"That's it, Isabella. Let go, let me love you," he whispered, his voice pure sex. He loosened his tie and tore at the buttons on his shirt, giving me my own little striptease. The sound of his shirt ripping from his body sent a direct jolt to my body.

I stuck a finger through the belt loop of his pants pulling him to me firmly.

"You like what you see, baby?" He asked me arrogantly.

I nodded and let him kiss me deeply before pushing him over so that I straddled him. He sucked in a deep breath of air and I asked him, mockingly, "You like what you see, baby?"

He growled in response and ran his hands up my sides slowly, seductively. I moaned again, as I rubbed myself against him, wanting to feel him more and more. As I picked up my pace, I slowly began to undo his belt buckle, teasing him with my tongue on his neck, ears, lips, and then finally plunging it into his mouth.

He swirled his tongue around mine until I unbuttoned the top button of his slacks and pulled down the zipper. He flipped me back over then, yanking down his pants and boxers quickly.

He began to kiss from my shoulders, to my collarbone, down to the peaks of my breasts before palming one and taking my nipple in his mouth. He repeated his motions with my other breast and it took all I had not to push myself onto him right there.

He smiled my favorite crooked grin when he heard me panting for him but I didn't care. I tugged on his hair, begging him to take me.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Isabella," he murmured inbetween kisses.

I groaned at the loss of contact and he smiled again, "Do you hear me, Isabella? You are so incredibly beautiful. And. You. Are. _Mine_."

I nodded, not really caring what was said, just wanting the feeling of his tongue on me again.

He kissed his way down to my belly button, tracing patterns with his tongue all the way down to the holy land.

_BINGO. _

_My girly parts were very, very happy. My brain? That bitch didn't say a word. Traitor!_

He licked and sucked and kissed until my orgasm came crashing down on me like an avalanche. I cried out in pleasure and that was all he needed to hear before he grabbed a condom from his wallet and put it on.

He looked me in the eyes, as he situated himself over me. "Look at me, Isabella."

I looked lazily up at him, my body still feeling the effects of the mind-blowing orgasm he'd given me.

"Say you're mine," he whispered.

"No," I shook my head.

He pressed the tip of his length into me before taking it out quickly.

"Whether you say it or not, you are mine, Isabella. And I intend to fuck you silly until you see that."

I moaned again, trying to pull him down to me, my head full of want and desire. My body writhing underneath of him, begging him for another round of release.

Without another word he plunged himself into me and I whimpered at the feeling. It felt so fucking amazing I couldn't even process the feeling.

_Now do you remember what you're missing, Bella? _

_Don't start this arguing shit again, I'm kinda in the middle of something_.

His thrusts were gentle at first but as I was growing closer and closer to my second orgasm he picked up his pace, grabbing at my hair with one hand and palming my ass with the other.

The simultaneous actions were enough to make me completely fall over the edge and I tumbled down into my orgasm, screaming out his name, "Fuck, Edward!"

At the sound of his name leaving my lips, he pumped even faster into me, moaning my name over and over until I finally felt him twitch, once, then twice, before falling into his own orgasm.

I vaguely remember him climbing off of me to clean himself up and him coming in to kiss my forehead gently before spooning me in the bed.

And still naked as the day I was born, I fell into a peaceful sleep with my cheating bastard of an ex-fiance.

_Fuck._

~*~


	5. I Might Get Over You

**So, I think everyone is mad at me for letting Bella fall into bed with Edward so quickly. She was weak. What can I say? Give her a break, yeah?**

**Anyway, thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. If you like it or you don't, let me know okay?**

**Maiya, Adriana - I heart you girls.**

**AmeryMarie, you know I love you...now give me my Tanya confrontation, woman! :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it...and I'm a little ashamed to say the idea of Robsten owns me. I love them together.**

~*~

Well I opened my heart, and I let you in  
I promised I'd never love again  
And still doin' what I'd said I'd do  
Someday I might get over you

I wear my ring on a chain now, instead of my hand  
And I deal with your memories the best I can  
I've even been out on a date or two  
Someday I might get over you

Oh I never thought I'd see it  
But I think I see the light now  
I know that what I have to do  
Is get on with my life but I can't take another day  
I can't face another night, so I just take another breath  
And let it go

If I could ever feel the way I felt  
I'll take a chance with someone else  
And if my heart takes chances too  
Someday I might get over you

Oh I never thought I'd see it  
But I think I see the light now  
I know that what I have to do  
Is get on with my life, but I can't take another day  
I can't face another night, so I just take another breath  
And let it go

Well I opened my heart, and I let you in  
I promised I'd never love again  
Right now it's still somethin' I still can't do  
Someday I might get over you  
Though it may not be 'til my life is through  
Someday I might get over you

_I Might Get Over You_ - Kenny Chesney

_~*~_

_...I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi..._

It was far too early for Lady Gaga. And if it was far too early for Lady Gaga, it was far too early to answer Alice's phone call. I threw my pillow over my head and groaned, willing my phone to somehow implode into itself so I'd never hear it ring again.

Ever.

_...Baby, there's no other superstar you know that I'll be your papa-paparazzi..._

I groaned again, pushing the pillow harder over my ears.

_Stop calling Alice...please, stop calling and I promise once this raging hang-over goes away, I will call you back._

Silence filled the air suddenly and I began to relax into slumber once more.

_...I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi..._

"Fuck! Turn that thing off, Isabella!"

_GAH!_

I turned over quickly, only then noticing that I wasn't in my own bed. And to top of that spectacular fact, I was with the cheating bastard of an ex-fiance to boot.

"What the hell am I doing here?" I asked, while looking under the covers to find that I was in fact stark ass naked.

Edward rolled towards me then, his hair a genuine case of bed-head. He smiled as he took in my bare chest below the sheets.

I pulled the sheets tighter to my body and asked the same question as before. "Edward, _focus_! What the hell am I doing here?"

Edward furrowed his brows.

"You really don't remember?" He asked as he attempted to run a finger down my cheek. I yanked out of his touch quickly, standing and bringing the sheets off the bed with me.

Edward sat up, naked as well, and my body burned in embarassment.

_I fell right into bed with him. Fuck, fuck, fuckity-__**fuck**__._

I furiously began picking up whatever clothing of mine I could find.

_Holy hell...is that my bra hanging from the lamp? _

Plucking the offending article of clothing from the lamp, I ran into the nearby bathroom and changed into my now wrinkled dress from the wedding. I am going to hate having to walk to my car in that...shit.

_I didn't drive here._

_Jacob did. _

_Could this morning get any worse?_

Sighing, I trudged out to where Edward was and plopped into a nearby chair. Rubbing my face with both hands, I peeked at him through my fingers. He smiled a lopsided smile and beckoned me to come over with one finger.

I snorted, "Are you kidding me? This is crazy!"

"Why is it crazy?"

I looked at him like he had two heads. "Maybe because you are my ex and I _hate_ you."

Pain etched across his face. "You hate me?"

"Think about it, Einstein."

"I know we've had our differences but I told you that I was trying to make things right with you. I thought with how responsive you were at the reception that you'd be willing to make things work, too."

I laughed bitterly, "I was drunk off my ass at the reception. I downed so much tequila that I'm surprised I'm not still drunk!"

Before he could say anything else my cell rang out again.

_...I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi... _

_Alice: once my morning annoyance, now my savior._

"Ali! Thank God," I breathed into the phone.

"_BELLA_! Thank God is right. Where the hell are you?!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said, as I threw my head in my free hand.

"Are you with _him_, Bella?"

_Yes. _

_I am a ho-bag, Alice. _

_Thank you for reminding me._

"Would you believe me if I said no?" I croaked out weakly.

"No," Tiny Tyrant chirped.

"Well then I plead the fifth," I said as I looked over to Edward smirking on the bed, still naked and not ashamed of it at all.

I shook my head again, willing some type of black hole to open up and swallow me to get me away from this fucked up situation.

"Ali, I need a ride," I practically whispered. I closed my eyes, waiting to hear her shriek once she knew where I was.

"Why do you need a ride? You are with _him_!"

"Fuck. Yes, okay Ali? Yes, I'm with him and I need a ride. I already feel bad enough that I'm going to be doing the walk of shame in my bridesmaid's dress. Please don't make this harder. I'd totally do it for you."

I heard her sigh deeply on the other end of the line. "Tell me where you are, _slut_," she laughed.

"Thanks, _biatch_," I joked back, and then said quickly, "I'm _kindofatthehotelstill_."

"What was that?" Alice asked, even though I know she heard me.

I growled out, "I'm still at the damn hotel!"

"That's what I thought you said! Be there soon, kisses!" And with that she hung up.

I looked over at Edward again and he looked as if he was deep in thought.

"What?" I asked loudly.

"Walk of shame? It's really that shameful that you slept with me?"

"Did something heavy fall on your head and knock the past six months from your memory? Of course it's shameful. I'm no better than Lauren now. And that _disgusts_ me," I answered angrily.

"How are you anything like her? Her and I are not together, Bella. I told you last night that we haven't been together for quite awhile."

"Well that just makes everything all better doesn't it?" I snapped back sarcastically. "I still slept with you! I can't believe I was so fucking weak." I shivered out of complete disgust for myself. I was drunk and lonely. I let Edward right in to counteract the misery and look where it got me.

The road right back to Miserableville.

My cell phone chirped again, making me jump. I looked down to it and noticed I had a text message.

_B- You are fucking dead when I get back from Hawaii. I'm going to strangle you with an authentic Hawaiian lei the second I see you. -R_

_Well, isn't that just fantastic? Note to self: Kick Alice's ass for blabbing to my sister on her honeymoon._

I quickly texted Rose back.

_R- I'll glady make a noose made from the leis myself. Trust me. Have fun, don't worry about me, love you. Kiss Em for me. -B_

Edward stood then, cautiously taking steps towards where I sat. "Do you really regret it?" He asked as he crouched down next to me.

"Ugh, put on some pants, Edward," I whined, seeing _everything_ he had to offer all smashed together.

He looked down, blushing as he grabbed his pants from where they sat half-under the bed. He put them on quickly and then resumed his position next to me.

"Answer me, please."

I looked him square in the eyes. "Of course I regret it. I told you I never wanted to see you again after the wedding and then I get smashed _at_ said wedding and fall into bed with you," I sneered.

"_Cheese and rice_, I couldn't fall into bed with the bartender, could I? _Nooo_, not Bella. Bella likes things complicated," I muttered, more to myself than to him.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't 'fall into bed with the bartender'," he said using air-quotes. "I'm glad last night happened, Isabella. It only further proves my point that we belong together. I made mistakes, yes, I admit that. But I know that _you_ are who I am supposed to end up with."

"You just had to fuck someone else before you settled down, though, right? Get it out of your system? Make sure I was the _one_," I snapped back angrily.

"Stop, Isabella. You aren't completely innocent in this either!"

_I'm sorry, come again?!_

"And just how is you cheating on me my fault?"

"You should have come home early from work that night...Lauren never would have been there telling me about Jacob if you were with _me _like I asked you to be," he said through clenched teeth.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Edward?"

"Lauren came to tell me all about how much time you'd been spending with Jacob behind my back and how you weren't coming home that night because you were with him. She said she felt guilty lying to me about it for so long," he answered, his voice unsteady with emotion.

I laughed increduously, "I suppose that's what I get for trusting Lauren."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I sent her there to give you directions. Directions to the scavenger hunt I had planned out for our anniversary. She was supposed to give them to you and tell you that I was running late," I answered sadly. "You were supposed to end up at the restaurant where we had our first date; where I was waiting for you."

"You weren't with Jacob?" He asked, his voice full of shock.

"No, _of course_ not. As a matter of fact, he was visiting Leah in La Push that weekend."

"And I never showed up to the restaurant because she never gave me..." His voice trailed off.

There was a knock on the door and I jumped up to answer it. I was so full of anger and emotion at what I had just realized that I ripped the door open without checking to see who it was.

"Hey there, sunshine. I brought you some clothes so you don't have to wear your dress home," Alice sing-songed.

I grabbed the duffel bag she held out to me, thanking her before dashing to the bathroom to change.

I could hear Alice come in and shut the door asking Edward if he was proud of himself.

I didn't hear Edward say anything back so I figured he was still in shock over what we had just figured out. Lauren never gave Edward my directions. Had she given Edward my directions he would have met me at the restaurant and not been with _her_.

_That bitch is dead when I see her next. D-e-a-d._

I angrily threw on the clothes that Alice brought me and tore back out into the room with Alice and Edward. They both sat glaring at one another, both of their arms crossed over their chests.

"Come on, Ali. Let's go," I said as I grabbed my purse and made a beeline for the door.

She followed quickly after me but we weren't fast enough. Edward jumped in front of the door, spreading both of his toned arms out to block our path.

"Wait! You can't run away from this after everything we just talked about, Isabella! Christ, I mean the demise of our relationship was caused by Lauren!" He cried out, his eyes full of something akin to desperation.

"While it's true that Lauren may have been a catalyst in our demise, you," I said as I poked a finger to his bare chest, "You were the executioner, Edward."

His shoulders slumped, defeat written all over his beautiful face. "You're right."

"I know I am. Now please move," I choked out.

He did as I asked and I ripped open the door with more strength then necessary, causing it to slam back into the wall. Alice followed close behind, I'm sure resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at Edward as she left.

The walk down to the car was done in silence, thank God, because I wasn't sure I was ready to talk to Alice about everything yet. We had almost made it to the lobby doors when I heard someone calling out to me.

"Beautiful Bella, fancy seeing you here still."

I turned around to see James, the bartender from Rose and Em's wedding, standing before me looking very handsome in a pair of ripped jeans and a black t-shirt.

"James, yes. How are you?"

"Better now that I ran into you again."

I smiled weakly, really just wanting to go home rather than flirt with some random guy. He smiled back at me before saying, "So, I don't want to sound forward, but well, I am forward."

He went on, "Are you and that overbearing guy from the wedding a _thing_?"

I snorted my response, "Absolutely not."

James' face relaxed a bit, as if he was holding his breath waiting for the answer to his question.

"So, it would be okay if I tried to give you my number? He's not going to like repel from the heating vents and crumble it again, right?"

I laughed, despite my shitty mood, and agreed that it would be alright for him to give me his number. I gladly accepted it, telling him I had to get home but I'd call him sometime. He gave me a gentle hug goodbye and while he was handsome and very sweet, being in his arms felt...wrong._ Different_. Foreign.

After being in Edward's arms again after _so_ long, I really couldn't say I was surprised.

I waved goodbye and Alice and I left quickly, heading back to my apartment.

Once we passed Alec and made our way to the front door, I was beginning to lose my shit.

I could feel the pressure of unshed tears pounding on my tired eyes and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to keep them at bay for much longer.

I flung my door open and tossed my purse and dress down, not caring where they landed.

Alice followed behind me, gently shutting the door, and going to the kitchen to get us some water. I threw myself on my couch dramatically, wondering why my life had to be so damn complicated.

Did I do something in another life that warranted me being completely miserable in this one?

_Way to be emo, Bella. _

My phone buzzed for the fifth time this morning. Edward wouldn't accept the fact that I had made a colossal mistake in sleeping with him and insisted we sit down and talk face to face about everything that happened.

I chose to ignore his texts and hide with Alice instead.

She let me sit and think for _almost_ a full minute before bombarding me with questions.

"Just what in the hell did you think sleeping with your ex-fiance would accomplish, Bella?"

"Ummm, an orgasm?" I deadpanned.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're not funny."

I sighed. "Oh my dear, Alice. This whole situation isn't funny. I'm fully aware of that, believe me. I have not one iota of a clue as to what I was thinking. I don't. I seriously have _no_ excuse."

Her voice softened a bit. "Well, what happened? I sent Jazzy over to try to talk some sense into you because I knew you wouldn't listen to me. But even he couldn't get you to listen. He always talks you off the ledge- just not last night apparently."

"I didn't plan on last night happening the way it did. I was actually planning on flirting with the bartender some more but Edward cockblocked that twice and then, I don't know, I just gave in, I guess. I'm...lonely, Alice."

She put an arm around my shoulder. "I know you are."

"I don't know what to do now. He thinks this means something more."

"What did he say?"

I exhaled loudly. "That it, and I quote, _only further proves the point that we belong together._"

"Ugh, gag me," Alice groaned.

"Tell me about it," I whined. "But, I did learn something new when I was talking to him this morning."

Alice took a sip from her water bottle, twisting the cap back on as she said, "Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"Remember how I had that whole scavenger hunt set up for Edward for our four year anniversary?"

Alice nodded, tearing at the label of her water bottle.

"Well, apparently when I sent Lauren over here with the directions for him to follow to find me at _La Bella Italia_, I made a huge mistake."

Alice's little face scrunched up, "What do you mean?"

"Lauren didn't bring Edward the instructions to find me at the restaurant. Instead she told him that I wasn't going to be home because I was with Jacob that night. And according to her, she was tired of covering for me, that she didn't feel right lying to him anymore. She told him I'd been seeing Jacob behind his back for some time and well, you know what happened after that."

Alice's jaw dropped. "So you're telling me that the whole reason Edward cheated was because she told him you were doing the same thing behind his back?"

I nodded sadly. "That's what he was talking about when we were leaving. That it was Lauren's fault that we were the way we were. Which, in some ways, yes, that's true- but it doesn't change the fact that he did still cheat. Regardless of what he thought I was doing, he shouldn't have slept with her."

"Damn straight, Bella. Don't you let him make excuses. He's still a pig."

I sighed heavily, "I know, I know. Okay, enough about this crap. I have a bone to pick with you, missy."

She rolled her eyes and then glared at me. "Bitch at me all you want. You're the one that left the reception and didn't tell Rose where you were going. She was worried, getting ready to leave and wouldn't until I told her where you were."

I playfully swatted her arm. "Yeah, yeah. Just you wait, I'll get you back."

Alice and I spent the rest of the day lounging around the apartment. Jasper stopped by with Chinese food and stayed to watch _Jeopardy!_ with us.

After the lovebirds left, I cleaned up my apartment a bit and hopped into the shower. I called Jake to thank him again for coming to the wedding, not at all thinking about the fact that Alice had probably called him to ask where I was.

"Were you with him last night, Bella?" Came Jake's worried voice.

"Hello to you, too," I quipped, trying to hide my embarassment.

"I'm not worried about being polite right now. You went home with him didn't you?"

"Not technically..." I trailed off.

"Screw technicalities, Bella! How could you be so stupid?" He bellowed.

"You know what? I feel bad enough about all this so just stuff it right now, Jacob. I'll call you later." I turned off my phone and climbed into bed, slipping into unconsciousness.

~*~

"Flirt with him all you want. You didn't have to go home with him is all I'm sayin' darlin'," Jasper drawled over lunch three days after the wedding. Jasper and Alice often came to my office during our lunch hour and discussed anything that needed to be taken care of in the future. Other times however, they came to harass me about my love life, or lackthereof. Today seemed to be a day where they were going to torture me over the great Edward debacle.

The one good thing that had happened was that Edward gave up trying to get a hold of me after I spent the whole day after our drunken encounter ignoring him. The last message I got from him was kind of cryptic, but with Edward when wasn't anything he said cryptic?

I had just gotten out of the shower on the Monday morning after the wedding and my phone chirped.

_Isabella- I have to go out of town for a few days. See you soon, love. -Edward_

I massaged my temples with my fingers before replying back to him.

_Edward- Please just leave well enough alone. It's over. -Bella_

I knew that there was new information that the two of us could possibly discuss but all it would do is open up old wounds. What's in the past is in the past, not to be dug up again. When we broke up it nearly killed me and the last thing I wanted to do was rehash how everything went horribly wrong and how we'd never make it work. I loved him still and had finally accepted that we were meant to be apart.

Pushing the salad I had stupidly bought for lunch around on my plate, I sighed loudly. "Technically, Jasper, I didn't go home with Edward."

He quirked a blond eyebrow at me and smirked. "Technically, huh?"

I puffed my chest up a bit and said, "Yes, _technically_ I didn't go home with him...I went to his hotel room with him." I smiled sheepishly and knew I had to be blushing ten different shades of red.

Alice bounced into the room then, plopping down with a milkshake and fries. "What did I miss?"

I sighed again. "Your boyfriend was berating me on my choice of a bedmate after Rose and Em's wedding."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Can't you just say Jazz is giving you shit because you fucked your ex-fiance after your sister's wedding?"

I choked on the soda I had been drinking. "Alice Brandon, everyone. The epitome of eloquence."

She snickered loudly. "Hey, I calls them as I sees them."

I put the lid back on my salad and tossed it back in the takeout bag Jazz had sitting on my desk.

"So, what now?" Jasper asked me with genuine concern in his tone.

I shrugged and took another long sip of my Coke. "Nothing now. I'm going to go about my life like normal and pretend it didn't happen."

"It's not going to be that simple, Bella. And you know it, he's not going to just let this go," Jasper said softly.

"Why not, huh? It was that simple for him to go and be with Lauren after four years of a committed relationship, Jasper. He lived with her for Pete's sake. For all I know he still lives with her!"

"He lived with her because he had nowhere to go," Jasper offered. "Now, though..."

"He could have went to his parents! To a hotel! But no he went running to her," my lip began to quiver and tears threatened to escape.

Alice jumped up then to wrap an arm around my shoulders. "Hey, we're on your side here, babygirl. You know that. Jasper just hates to see you so miserable. And we were talking last night before we went to sleep that if Edward makes you happy that maybe you should..."

"Don't you finish that sentence, Mary Alice."

Jasper stood up to flank my other side and crouched to look me in the eyes. "Come on now, sweets. We aren't pushing you to him or anything, far from it actually. We're just saying that if you wanted to pursue something with him again that we won't give you shit about it anymore."

"Yeah, that's why you sat here and made fun of me for ten minutes about what happened this weekend, right, Jazz?" I asked sadly.

"Aw, you know I like to give you a hard time. I mean Em and I had an office pool going on how long it would take for you to fall back into-" Jasper was cut off by Alice giving him a swift smack to the chest.

"Not appropriate, Jasper Whitlock," Alice warned. He stopped talking, mumbling under his breath that he won the pool anyway.

"Let me get this straight. Not only did you know that I would be weak and fall back into bed with Edward, you _bet_ on it?"

Jasper nodded and Alice glared at him. "It was all Emmett's idea. Blame him."

After thinking about the situation, I couldn't really do anything but laugh. How ludicrous to think that everyone knew that Edward had me under his spell even when we weren't together.

It was ridiculous really. The past four years were wasted on a relationship that would never last and here I was, six months after the fact, still in the same rut. I was never going to get anywhere if I didn't try to move on. He did, why shouldn't I? I slammed my hands on my desk and announced, "To hell with this! I'm going on a date."

Alice jumped up and down, squealing, "A date! Oh em gee...with who?"

_Hmmm, didn't think that far ahead._

"Shit. I don't know. Jazz, don't you have any politicians you can introduce me to?"

He smiled wryly, "I am not introducing you to a politician. You think Edward was bad? Try being a trophy wife."

Alice giggled and kissed Jasper on the cheek.

I pouted a bit as I attempted to find my chapstick. As I was rifling around inside the black hole that was my purse to get to my cherry-flavored goodness, my hand scraped across a piece of paper. I pulled the little piece of paper out, realizing it had the bartender's number on it.

_Coincidence? I think not. More like fate!_

"A-ha! What about the hot bartender, James?" I asked Alice.

She wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, he's cute but I don't know. He seemed so...I don't know, confident? It almost came off as arrogance."

I snorted, "Yeah, like I haven't dealt with arrogance before."

"Exactly. Break out of your usual pattern of egotistical, self-centered men! What about Brady?"

It was my turn to wrinkle my nose. "Brady is sweet and all, but I don't really want to mix work and my home life. I mean he's the head of the publishing company. I don't want to mess that up."

Alice sighed. "So you'll date your photographer but not your publisher?"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut it, Ali. I'm calling James and we'll see how it goes. Maybe I can try Brady after that." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, a habit I'd picked up from Jacob oh so many years ago.

"Fine. But I'm dressing you," Alice pouted.

"Deal."

Jasper spoke up then. "So, this is what you really want, right? You're not just doing this to prove something to Edward?"

"My whole life doesn't revolve around Edward anymore, Jasper. I have to try sometime, right?"

He nodded sadly. "As long as you're doing this for the right reasons. Come on, Al. Let's give her some privacy to make her phone call."

I looked at Jasper and noticed he wasn't wearing his normal grin. "What's up, Jasper? Why the long face?"

"No reason, doll. See you later," he called out as him and Alice grabbed the trash from lunch and walked out the door. They closed it softly behind them and I couldn't help but feel like Jasper was trying to tell me something.

Shaking it off, I dialed James' number and blew out a nervous breath as the phone rang.

"Hello?" came James' husky voice from the other end.

"Hi, James? This is Bella...er, from the wedding," I finished, lamely.

"Beautiful! I was starting to think you weren't going to use my number."

I relaxed a bit when I heard his excited voice. "Yeah, I've been really swamped at work. I apologize for not calling sooner."

"Hey, as long as you called at all. I was worried that maybe the crazy guy from the reception found my number again."

I laughed, feeling a pang of guilt in my stomach when he mentioned Edward. I wasn't with him so why did it feel like I was cheating on Edward by calling James?

Taking another deep, calming breath, I asked James if he wanted to get together sometime. He suggested we go to dinner that night and I agreed, telling him I'd meet him at the restaurant down the street from my apartment around 8.

As I hung up the phone, my eyes went to a picture on my desk. It was taken at the office Christmas party last year. Edward had set up his camera to take a picture of all the couples standing by the office Christmas tree. Emmett had Rose wrapped in his arms, Jasper with Alice in his arms, and Edward stood behind me, with his chin lazily sitting on my shoulder. I could remember feeling so content when that picture was taken. I had the love of my life wrapped around me and four of the most important people in my life by my side.

I exhaled loudly, blowing air into my cheeks. I could only hope that one day I'd find that feeling of contentment once again. Without Edward by my side, I just didn't see how it was possible.

_But dammit, I was going to try._

~*~

Alice had dressed me in a very simple skirt and blouse for my date with James. I knew that I didn't want to feel uncomfortable for this date, but I didn't want to give him the impression that I wasn't trying by showing up in jeans and a t-shirt.

He was waiting outside of the restaurant in a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt, checking his watch when I walked up.

"James?" I began, even though I knew it was him.

He smiled warmly, pulling me into a hug. "Beautiful! You made it."

I laughed. "Of course I made it. How are you?"

"Better now that you're here," he stated calmly.

_Cheesy but sweet._

Our date was nice, nothing spectacular. He was very polite, pulling out my chair and asking if he could order for me. I agreed simply because I had no idea what to order and my brain was on overload already from being out on a date, with someone that wasn't Edward. He ordered a delicious meal and we had a nice conversation, sharing a bottle of wine.

As I sipped my drink, I couldn't help but feel like someone was watching me. I shook off the feeling as nerves and asked James where he was from.

"I'm actually from Phoenix, but I moved to Seattle a few months ago to try to open a bar with a couple of buddies of mine."

I was surprised, even though I wasn't sure why. "Really? That's interesting. Have you found any place yet?"

"We're looking into a few places in downtown Seattle, but nothing concrete has panned out yet. That's why I'm working at the hotel until the right opportunity presents itself."

I nodded my understanding, feeling that same presence around me. I chanced a peek around the restaurant but nothing was out of the ordinary so I chalked it off to the wine.

The night went on quickly and before I knew it, James was walking me to the front of my building.

"Well, I had a fabulous time tonight, James. Thank you so much for dinnner. It was delicious," I began.

"The pleasure was all mine, Beautiful. Trust me," he said as he took my hand and kissed it delicately.

I noticed there was no spark from where his lips touched my skin and I felt a bit disappointed. My stupid brain kept going back to the way it would feel whenever Edward's lips touched any part of me.

_Electric. Shut it, brain. Not now._

There was a pause in conversation as James leaned his head closer to mine and my breath caught in my throat at the thought of someone else's lips touching my own.

I hadn't kissed anyone else in almost five years.

When his lips finally touched mine, they were warm and soft. I allowed myself to kiss him back, even though it felt completely different than what I was used to.

_That's the point of this night, Bella. Be with someone that isn't Edward!_

I kissed James back reluctantly at first, but as the kiss deepened I allowed myself to enjoy it a bit. It was different and foreign again, like his hug had been back at the hotel, but I knew that with a few more dates, I could probably begin to_ like _different.

I pulled back slowly, not wanting to give him the impression that the kiss was going to turn into anything else tonight and thanked him again for the evening.

"Anytime, Beautiful. I'd like to call you if that's okay?" He asked, cautiously.

I nodded, my heart picking up a bit at the thought of going out with him again, and took his phone in my hand, punching in the numbers.

He took his phone back and kissed my cheek one last time before telling me he'd call me soon. Alec opened the door for me and I smiled widely, waving to James as the door closed.

"Good evening, Ms. Swan. Did you have a good time?"

I blushed. "Yes, Alec, I did. Thank you. Good night."

Alec wished me a good night and I practically floated to the elevator.

_Hottie bartender just might do the trick._

Once I was on my floor, I dug in my purse to look for my keys. I found them eventually, right below my cherry-flavored chapstick, which made me smile as I thought of James. I lifted my head to put the key in the lock and noticed someone standing next to me.

I jumped ten feet in the air when I took in the bronze hair and muscular shoulders leaned up against the wall next to my door.

"Edward! What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

_How in the hell does he pull these Houdini acts?! I was right outside the building! I didn't see him come in!_

"I've been waiting here a while actually," he said, his voice sad and low.

"Why?"

He sighed, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. I shivered at the touch and then chastised myself for letting him get to me- _again_.

"Well, I stopped by the office but Jasper kindly informed me that you had already left with Alice to get ready for your big date."

I tapped my toe impatiently, wanting to go into my apartment already. I put the key in the lock and pushed the door open. I threw my purse down on the table by the door and turned around to face Edward still out in the hallway.

"And? Is there a point to this Edward?"

He looked me in the eye, chocolate brown meeting moss green, and I felt something odd transfer between us in our stare.

"Do you really hate me?"

I closed my eyes, effectively cutting off whatever trance we'd been in. "I could never...hate you, Edward."

His face relaxed a bit. "I stopped by the office to drop off the prints from the wedding. I developed them myself so they'd be done in time."

I sighed, relaxing as well, knowing he was just stopping by for work reasons. "Wow. Thanks. I appreciate it."

He nodded, handing me the packet of pictures carefully.

"I uh, printed a few special ones for you," he mumbled as he handed me another envelope.

I smiled taking the pictures. "Thanks."

We stood that way, awkwardly looking at each other, him from the hallway, me from the doorway.

He cleared his throat. "Well, I guess I better go. I hope you had fun on your date, Isabella."

I furrowed my brow, unable to help the snort that escaped. "You do?"

He pulled his hand through his hair. "In a way. I want you to be happy. What happened after the wedding was what I'd been wanting since the day we walked away from each other. I thought that if we had one more night together that you'd remember our connection. Remember why we're so damn _good_ together. But you didn't remember. You felt shame for being with me and I can't-" his voice trailed off. "I can't bear the thought of another man with you, Isabella, but if you don't love me anymore, I can't force it."

_Okay, I'm freaked out. This is so unEdward-like._

I nodded even though my insides were screaming at me to take him in my arms and show him how much I still loved him.

"No, you can't," I whispered, afraid my voice would give away the emotion running through my body.

He nodded again. "Well, I'm staying at the hotel where the reception was if you want to see me."

I had so many questions to ask him but instead I smiled weakly and just said okay.

He leaned in, kissing my cheek lightly and it felt like my face was on fire. My heart beat erratically and my breath caught in my throat.

_Electric._

"I can't force you to love me again, Isabella, but I keep trying to remind you what it's like with me," he whispered huskily in my ear, before kissing my lips lightly once, twice, and then three times. He smiled my favorite smile and said goodbye, walking down the hallway to the elevator.

_And the cocky bastard is back. Mindfuck much?_

I slammed the door loudly, locking the deadbolt. I kicked the doorframe once, regretting it instantly as the pain shot from my toes up to my shin.

"Fuck!"

After putting the envelope of pictures from the wedding on the table, I retreated to the couch with the special pictures he'd given me in hand. I sat down, tucking my legs underneath of me, as I opened the envelope carefully.

The first picture was a picture of Rose, Charlie and myself posing in front of a stained glass window. Charlie looked so proud standing between his girls, it brought a tear to my eye.

The next picture was of Rose and I hugging during the reception. She looked so happy and content it made my heart flutter.

The one after that was a picture of myself hugging Emmett as he proudly told me that Rosalie was all his forever. I could see the emotion and conviction in his eyes and I couldn't help but be blown away by Edward's timing with these pictures. Each one told their own story.

The very last picture took my breath away completely the second my eyes landed on it. Somehow Edward had taken a picture of him and I dancing and the way we looked in each other's eyes sent a wave of fear and excitement through me all at once. If pictures could speak, this one would scream passion.

His one hand was on the small of my back but his other was resting above my heart. I had a hand in his hair and we were gazing into each other's eyes. There wasn't any animosity on my face and his eyes didn't hold any arrogance, just adoration.

I wiped a tear from my eye and placed the pictures back in the envelope. Crawling into bed that night, the _only_ thing I saw when I closed my eyes was Edward's face.

~*~

**Hit that button to review, review, review! I may just hold out on an update until I hear from you guys. **

**Fic Recs: **

**A Woman Scorned by Bella Baby24 **

**Normal Adolescent Behavior by PsychWardSiren (I heart you!!)**

**Weight of Words by georgeygirl (You will LOVE this Edward, he is delicious!) **


	6. So Sick

**Sorry this one took so long. Writers block is a bitch. Hopefully it stays away for awhile. **

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

~*~

Gotta change my answering machine  
Now that I'm alone  
Cuz right now it says that we  
Can't come to the phone  
And I know it makes no sense  
Cuz you walked out the door  
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore  
(it's ridiculous)  
It's been months  
And for some reason I just  
(can't get over us)  
And I'm stronger than this  
(enough is enough)  
No more walkin round  
With my head down  
I'm so over being blue  
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have  
That's marked July 15th  
Because since there's no more you  
There's no more anniversary  
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you  
And your memory  
And how every song reminds me  
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)  
Leave me alone  
(Stupid love songs)  
Dont make me think about her smile  
Or having my first child  
I'm letting go  
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing she was still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing she was still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishin' you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
Why can't I turn off the radio?  
(why can't I turn off the radio?)  
Why can't I turn off the radio?

_So Sick_ - NeYo

* * *

~*~

_"I cheated on you, Bella."_

_My eyes stung, my heart pounded, and everything in my world came to a crashing halt with those words._

_"Wh-wh-what...how....wh-why?" I stuttered, frantically trying to piece together a coherent thought._

_He turned to face me, eyes ablaze once again, beautiful in their anger. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he slurred his words. "Why? Don't play dumb with me, Isabella! You know why!"_

_My sadness turned to fury as his words sunk in. "What the hell are you talking about? I don't know why! I can't think of any reason that could possibly warrant your infidelity! You were the one that didn't show up tonight-"_

_"Does Jacob Black ring any bells?" he interrupted me._

_I furrowed my brow and stepped closer to him. "What are you getting at, Edward?"_

_"I know all about you two. You've been fucking him all this time!," he yelled loudly._

_"I don't even know what you're talking about. Jacob and I never-" I began._

_He cut me off quickly, punching a hole in the wall with ease._

_"Save it, Isabella. I'll be back for my things later. Lauren's waiting downstairs."_

_I felt like he punched me and not the wall, simply by uttering a name. __I choked back a sob, utterly confused and devestated as I threw myself to the floor in anguish. _

_"Lauren?" I gasped. "Lauren Mallory?! Are you kidding me, Edward? You ended our relationship - our __**engagement, **__for Lauren fucking Mallory?!" _

_I couldn't hold back the agonizing tears any longer. A strangled cry escaped my throat as everything started processing in my head. He cheated on me with my assistant, someone who I thought was my friend. And now he's leaving me for her? _

_He stepped closer to me, squatting so he was eye-level with me. As I looked into his eyes, sobbing uncontrollably, he placed a single finger under my chin. _

_"I can't leave you when you're like this. I may hate what you did to me but I still love you," he said softly, a hint of my Edward still in there somewhere._

_I pulled out of his grasp quickly, the spell of what used to be broken when he accused me yet again of deserving his infidelity. _

_"What did I do, Edward?"_

_"Why don't you tell me? All those 'late nights' at the office, where were you really?," he questioned, menacingly._

_I took deep breaths in and out, trying not to cry as I spoke. "At...the...office," I said through clenched teeth._

_He slumped down next to me, tired and deflated. "God! Just tell me, Bella. It's driving me fucking crazy. Why did you do it?," he asked softly this time, tugging at his hair._

_I looked over at him, feeling just as defeated and exhausted as he looked. "What is it you want to hear, Edward? I won't lie. I've been one hundred percent faithful to you since the day you saved me from falling off my computer chair. I've never once strayed from our love. So, I guess the real question here is, why did you do it?"_

_His mouth was agape as he struggled to speak. _

_I continued, sadly. "Why did you ruin absolutely everything?"_

~*~

I woke up in a cold sweat. I had been having dreams about mine and Edward's breakup for the past couple of nights and everytime the dream ended with me asking him why he ruined it all.

He never answers.

Ever.

I knew why he cheated, in theory, but I never asked him point blank why he ruined our future. I never had the time. As soon as the last of his belongings were out of the apartment, I washed my hands of him, so to speak, and refused to even utter his name to anyone.

But now - he had clawed his way back in and was adamant not to let me forget him.

The week following the wedding had me working day and night to make sure the spread would be done before deadline. Whenever I wasn't at the office, I was at home sleeping. I had even given Alec specific instructions not to let anyone in the building. Alice was not happy about that.

I had seen James a few times since our date, but he worked most evenings at the bar, so it left little time for us to really spend together. We usually spoke on the phone most of the time.

Our conversations were usuallypretty lengthy. We talked about everything from our families to past relationships. I learned that he grew up in a group home, not ever knowing his parents. The only people he considered family were the friends he planned to open his bar with. He had asked me about Edward one night while we were on the phone, and embarassingly enough I told him the whole sordid story. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. He joked that Edward probably had my phone bugged and even though I knew he was kidding, I couldn't help but wonder if he had.

When Rose and Emmett came home from Hawaii, Rose beat me into submission as promised for sleeping with Edward and then hugged me for ten whole minutes saying how much she missed me. I spent the rest of the day at their place eating ice cream and looking at wedding and honeymoon pictures, while Emmett played his beloved XBOX and made fun of how sappy we were. Rose threatened to hold out on newlywed sex and Emmett laughed and told her she couldn't follow through - which was true.

It felt nice to have my small, dysfunctional family home again. I really had missed them dearly.

As Rose and I did the dishes after dinner that night, I couldn't help but notice something different about her.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked her, eyeing her suspiciously.

She scrunched her face up. "Yes, why?"

I shrugged as I handed her a plate to dry. "I don't know. Something seems a bit off with you. Like maybe your holding something back from me."

She huffed and rolled her eyes as she placed the plate in the cabinet. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I don't hold anything back from you." Her left eye twitched as she grabbed another plate from my hand.

I'd known Rosalie for most of my life which made me privy to when she was lying. Her left eye _always_ twitched.

"You didn't have any wine with dinner tonight," I mused.

"So? I didn't feel like drinking your cheap, grocery-store wine. Big deal," she snorted.

I shook my head. "Come to think of it, when Alice made us drink a glass of champagne before the wedding, you took one sip and never touched the glass again."

She rolled her eyes at me again in a lame attempt to stop her eye from twitching.

"Edward came in to take pictures - what are you getting at, Sherlock?"

"Are you..." I looked back to see if Emmett was listening, but he wasn't, he was engrossed in his Call of Duty game, "are you pregnant, Rose?"

She threw down the dish towel in her hand, putting a hand to her forehead. "Amazing. My idiot husband didn't notice that I didn't have a drop of alcohol through our whole honeymoon, but my sister picks up on it after one night. Shit, I thought I was hiding it so well."

I visibly blanched. "You mean you are?!"

She nodded timidly. "Yes."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I asked, genuinely hurt.

She shrugged her shoulders timidly. "I didn't want anyone to think it was a shot-gun wedding."

"So, Emmett doesn't know?"

She glared at me. "Are you kidding? That big goon couldn't keep that big of a secret without yapping."

"Ha! I told you I'd kill that son of a bitch, Jasper! Since your pussy ass couldn't handle it!" Emmett bellowed through the headphones on his head.

I quirked an eyebrow. Rose shrugged again.

"Emmett and Jasper play together on XBOX somehow, I don't know."

I shook my head. "Okay...so how far along are you?"

"Eight weeks."

"Eight weeks?! Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? You know I wouldn't have told!"

She sighed. "I don't know. I knew you had enough going on with the Edward thing and then I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew for sure."

"So you've been to the doctor and everything?"

She nodded.

"Rosalie. This is huge. You have to tell Emmett. Like yesterday!" I gasped.

"Ya think?," she deadpanned. "Everytime I go to tell him, something stops me. I don't know."

I glared at her. "Rosalie Lillian McCarty, I'm leaving and you are going to tell your husband...tonight."

Her violet eyes bored into mine. "What if he leaves me, Sissy?"

I looked at her like she grew an extra arm. "Are you kidding me? Did you forget what happened last week? You are his _wife_, Rosalie. And besides, this is Emmett we're talking about. He's going to be ecstatic," I said, trying to soothe her nerves.

"Okay. You're right...you're right. I'll do it."

I nodded. "Good. Now, give me a hug. Call me as soon as you can to let me know how it goes, okay? I don't care if it's two in the morning. Call. Me."

She smiled, tears watering her eyes. "Thanks, Bella. I needed to hear that."

I hugged her to me tightly. "What are sisters for, right?"

I quickly gathered my things, telling them both goodnight.

As I walked out to my car, I felt lighter.

Emmett and Rose were going to have a baby.

A sweet little bundle of joy.

A brand new life.

I couldn't help but feel like the universe was flashing a neon sign at me.

~*~

I awoke to the ringing of my cell phone. I shot out of bed and scrambled over to my dresser where I had plugged the phone into the charger. As I stumbled, I looked to the clock.

2:17 a.m.

I chuckled, answering the phone without looking at the caller i.d.

"So, did it go well Mama McCarty?" I asked.

"They're having a baby, Isabella," came the smooth, slightly slurred speech of none other than Edward Cullen.

I sighed. "Edward, it's two in the morning. Why are you calling?"

He chuckled humorlessly. "Well, when Emmett called me, I figured I'd have a congratulatory shot down at the hotel bar in honor of his monumental news. Wanna guess who my friendly neighborhood bartender was?"

I sighed again. "James?"

_Awkward._

"James," he said softly.

I began to get annoyed. "Is there a point to this wake-up call, Edward? I do have to work in the morning."

He blew out a breath and I could imagine his flushed cheeks puffing out as he did.

"I don't know. All I keep thinking about is the fact that they're having a baby, Bella. A baby. A brand new life," he muttered.

As always, Edward looked at life the same way as myself. A baby equals a new life. A child with a clean slate in this world - completely innocent. Knowing he still saw things the same way I did made me both sad and happy. He hadn't changed that much from the man I fell in love with. He still looked at things the same way.

And even though I hated him for what he did to me, I still cared for the man he was underneath all the arrogance. I still worried about him on a daily basis. The ring may be gone from my finger, but the love I felt for him still resided in my heart.

And honestly, it felt good to share this news with someone. Not just someone - it felt good to share the news with Edward.

"I know they are. And I'm happy for them," I said.

He snorted. "I'm not saying I'm not happy for them. I'm fucking thrilled for them. They deserve to be happy."

"But?" I hedged, unsure as to why I was egging him on.

"But...I also can't help but feel insanely jealous of their happiness at the same time," he finished honestly.

I sighed loudly. "Yeah. I know what you mean."

"It's like I can't help but think of what it would feel like to know you were carrying my child..." he started to say before I cut him off.

"Don't go there, Edward. You're lucky I haven't hung up the phone yet."

"I can't help but to go there, Isabella! I mean I got rip-roaring drunk tonight because your current beau took every pot-shot he could at me and there wasn't a damn thing I could say to correct him. I mean, he's trying to take what's mine and all I can do is smile and nod as I pay for another round because fuck, he's right. I'm the lowest piece of shit there is and I'll never know what it's like to be the father of your beautiful child...and he might. Fuck," he started to whimper softly and my heart constricted.

How does he still affect me like this?

_Oh yeah, because you're a two-bit floozy who slept with him two weeks ago._

I didn't know what to say to him so I stayed silent, looking at the ceiling, praying my tears wouldn't come until long after we were off the phone with each other.

He sniffed quietly. "Isabella?"

"Yes?" I asked softly.

"I love you."

I didn't say anything as a silent tear fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheek.

"Did you hear me, Isabella? I still love you," he whispered again.

"I heard you."

"Say something then. God, if you were to give me another chance, I would wake up everyday and thank my lucky stars to have you. I would spend the rest of eternity proving to you that I love you and that I'd never hurt you again," he begged, and my silent tears fell harder.

"I can't...I can't do this-" I gasped out. "Stop, stop saying this stuff, Edward. It's too late."

"It's not too late, baby. Please," he openly sobbed.

I took a deep breath. "I have to go, Edward."

"Please, don't go, Isabella. Let me love you again. Let me show you I can be different. I'll never hurt you again."

"That right there is the problem. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't have been able to do what you did."

He cried quietly. "I wasn't in my right mind, Bella. You have to believe me. If I had known that you were at that restaurant and not with Jacob...my God, Isabella, I would have been there in a heartbeat. I would have scooped you into my arms-"

"You should have trusted my word, Edward. I told you nothing was going on between Jacob and I, but you chose to believe some...whore over me. And that, is a hard pill to swallow."

It was quiet on his end and the only reason I knew he hadn't hung up was the sound of quiet sniffles.

"No matter how hard I tried, I still turned out like him, huh, baby?"

My heart stopped. "Who?"

"Why good old Edward Sr. of course."

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me doing so through the phone. "You are not like your father. Infidelity isn't hereditary, Edward."

"It must be! What other reason would I possibly have for betraying you like that? Like father, like son."

"You were good to me. Before this Lauren shit, you were good to me and you know it."

He snorted. "That's why the very idea of me repulses you, right? We all know you're going to go out and find your very own Carlisle to save the day just like Esme did!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Stop it."

He breathed heavily into the phone. "Is he your Carlisle, Bella? Is James going to swoop in and make you forget all about me now?"

"Stop it! Just stop."

He sighed again. "I miss you. I miss waking up next to you, I miss watching scary movies with you and having you bury yourself into the crook of my arm when you get scared, I miss taking walks with you, I miss quoting 'How I Met Your Mother' with you, I miss cooking you breakfast on Sunday mornings,..." he mumbled into the phone.

"Please just stop this...I can't take it," I begged.

He choked a sob back. "Do I have a chance at all, baby?"

"Look, it's late. We'll talk some other time, okay? That's the best I can do right now," I offered, though I had no idea why.

He sighed loudly.

"Okay, okay. You're right. I mean it though, I love you and I will show you."

I shut my eyes, trying to cut off the new onslaught of tears that threatened to spill over.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, love."

I hung up the phone, flinging it onto my desk, before going back to my cold, empty bed. When I turned over to where Edward used to sleep next to me, the all-consuming, loud cries finally broke through and I knew that he had effectively knocked down a wall tonight.

He had somehow broke through some of my defenses and I needed to regroup and build that wall back up.

For the sake of my well-being.

~*~

A few days after Edward's drunken phone call, Rose and Emmett called me over to their house. Rose was very short on the phone and I could tell she was agitated. I felt bad for poor Emmett. If we thought Rose was moody before, it was nothing compared to pregnant, hormonal Rose.

And he had to live with her.

I shuddered at the thought, laughing as I walked up the steps to their front door. As I walked in, I called out to them.

"Rose? Em?"

"They're in the bedroom," came Edward's bored voice from where he sat on the couch, looking utterly dejected and tired.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with a bit more venom in my voice than I had intended.

He shrugged. "I don't know really. Emmett called me and asked if I'd come over today and here I am. What are you doing here?"

I sighed, knowing something fishy was about to take place. "Same. Well, Rose called me, but the same."

He nodded as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "So, how are you?"

_So, we're playing like he didn't just call me at two in the morning professing his undying love for me, are we?_

"Fine. Yourself?" I asked with obvious disinterest in the answer.

"Miserable," he whispered and my willpower faltered a bit.

_Ah, ah, ah, Isabella. You rebuilt your wall, remember? This time your wall is built out of bricks so the big, bad Edward can't huff and puff and blow it all down again._

I exhaled loudly, sitting on the couch and tapping my foot as I waited for Rose and Emmett. I could hear their muffled yelling but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

My phone rang and I rolled my eyes. Of course it would ring while I was with Edward. I figured it was James, since this was the time he usually called me. When I was getting off of work he was usually getting ready to go in. There was only a small window where we could talk to one another and that window was now.

I contemplated just letting the call go to voicemail but I figured what better way to show Edward he didn't get to me than to talk to my current boyfriend, or whatever he is to me, in front of him.

"Hello?"

"Beautiful. Whatcha doin'?," James asked.

"Um, not much. I'm actually at Rose and Emmett's house right now. What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for work. Thinking about you...I want to see you soon."

Edward was busy trying to pretend he wasn't listening to every word coming out of my mouth.

"I want to see you, too," I practically whispered.

Edward couldn't hide the pain on his face before he got up and walked onto Emmett and Rose's back porch.

Why did I still feel guilty?

_Oh yeah, because I'm a dumbshit. Newly built brick wall, my ass. Idiot._

Em and Rose walked out of their room then and I told James I'd call him back later. Emmett signaled for Edward to come into the living room as I motioned to Rose to explain what the hell was going on.

She was visibly fuming so I figured I'd drop it and let them explain.

Emmett cleared his throat as Edward made his way to sit on the opposite end of the couch as me.

"So, I'm sure you both are wondering what the hell you're doing here...together," Emmett started and I flinched at the term.

"I'm not happy about this, Bella, believe me," Rose shot in Edward's direction. He smirked, but didn't say anything.

"What Rose is trying to say is..." Emmett started again before Rose cut him off once more.

"No, what _you're_ trying to say..."

"Rosie, come on. It's my baby, too."

She huffed, but let him continue.

"Okay, so I know this isn't the ideal situation and that it might open up old wounds, but Rosie and I would really like it - no, love it, if both of you would consider being Godparents to our child."

My mouth dropped open and my heart stopped.

Godparents?

Together?

Were they trying to kill me? I mean, don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic that they'd trust me with their child's life but Edward and I _together_ as Godparents?

I looked to Edward out of disbelief and his expression was nothing like mine. He was thrilled! He jumped up quickly, pulling Emmett into a man hug, clapping him loudly on the back and whooping it up like a baboon while I sat, stone-still in complete and total shock.

Rose moved to sit next to me on the couch. "Do you hate me, Sissy?," she asked softly. And as I looked into her hopeful eyes, I shook my head quickly.

"Of course not. You know I would love to be Godmommy to your baby, Rosebud. It's just such a big deal and..." I sputtered but she stopped me.

"I know, believe me, I know. That's what we were arguing about earlier. And whether it looks like it or not, Emmett wasn't sure about his decision because he was afraid it would hurt you, but Edward's been his best friend since they were practically toddlers and he just didn't feel right not asking him."

I nodded sadly. "I know."

Edward and Emmett looked to us girls sitting on the couch and for a split second it felt like old times. Rose and I sitting on the couch gossiping while Edward and Emmett wrestled around and the feeling of nostalgia hurt.

I was never going to be out of his life.

Apparently we were going to be Godparents now.

"Bellabean...talk to me," Emmett said as he looked at me with the same hopeful eyes as Rose earlier.

I smiled, a genuine smile, as I stood to wrap my arms around the bear of a man in front of me.

"Of course I'll be Godmommy, Em," I whispered in his ear, before pulling back and kissing his cheek.

He smiled, letting me go and grabbing Rose's hand to pull her off the couch.

"Ohhhhh, group hug time!," he shouted as he pulled Rose and me into his massive arms. And as I stood there awkwardly hugging my sister and new brother, I felt Edward's slender arm wrap around my waist as he joined the dysfunctional group hug slash huddle.

And for a moment I pretended everything was how it used to be.

The rest of the night passed quickly and actually quite comfortably. I don't know if I was still on a Godparent high or what, but I didn't even mind Edward being around.

As the night wore on, Rose became tired and Edward and I began saying our goodbyes and 'thank you for trusting us enough to put your baby's life in our hands if it ever came down to it' and walked out the door.

We walked together towards our cars and I felt that familiar tug at my heart when I thought about watching him drive away from me.

"So...Godparents, huh?," he started nervously.

I nodded weakly. "Godparents."

He let out a loud breath. "That's a huge fucking deal, Bella. I mean they put their kids life in our hands."

I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding, smiling as I said, "I know, right?"

"I'm so keyed up right now, I don't think I could go to bed if I tried."

I nodded again. "I know what you mean."

"Why don't we go have dinner or something?"

He looked at me pleadingly, as I started to object.

"Just as friends, Isabella. Just to celebrate," he clarified and for some reason I couldn't find the logic in saying no to a just friends dinner to celebrate being Godparents to Rose and Emmett's beautiful baby. I mean we'd have to at least be friendly if we were to be around one another and their baby.

I sighed. "Okay...but just as friends."

He smiled a huge, genuine crooked smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "You got it."

I rolled my eyes and headed for my car. "Where to?"

He shrugged. "La Bella Italia?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and he threw his hands up in mock surrender. "You're right. That was in poor taste. How about...that place over by the office? You know that steakhouse?"

I nodded my agreement. "Okay, I'll meet you there. I'm going to stop by my place first and change."

He smiled again. "I love that you haven't changed a bit, Isabella. Still more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. It's adorable."

I blushed and rolled my eyes. "Shut it, Cullen."

He laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll see you there."

He waved and hopped in his car and I quickly did the same.

How did he always manage to finagle me into seeing him again?

_He should have his own business card made up. Edward Cullen: Mindfuck Extraordinaire - CEO of Cullen Mindfuckery Inc._

I laughed at my lame attempt at a joke and drove to my place with a genuine smile on my face. Edward and I weren't on the road to being together again, but we were certainly on track to being friends once more - if only for the sake of Emmett and Rose's unborn child.

_Right, keep telling yourself that, Bella._

~*~

As I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, my stomach did a flip-flop and I began to wonder if I was making a huge mistake by having dinner with Edward.

_It's for the baby._

With my new mantra on repeat in my head, I got out of the car and headed for the door of the restaurant. The hostess directed me to the table where Edward sat waiting. He jumped up quickly and pulled out my chair for me. Thanking him, I sat down and began perusing the menu.

"This is nice," Edward mused as he too looked at the menu.

I didn't answer, still deciding between having the barbecue chicken or the steak.

_Yes, focusing on what to have for dinner will somehow make this situation less awkward, genius. _

"It is," I replied, lamely.

Neither of us spoke while we waited for the waitress to return to the table to take our orders. I looked around the room, at anything and everything, so long as I didn't have to make eye contact with Edward. Edward nervously fiddled with the napkin in his lap. Every once in a while we'd hold each other's gazes briefly but I'd blush and look away before anything could be said.

When the waitress finally came we practically pounced on the poor unsuspecting girl simply to break up the silence that had come over our table.

"Hello, my name is Kate. Can I start you folks off with something to drink?"

Before I could open my mouth, Edward spouted out, "Two Cokes, extra ice please, Kate."

I narrowed my eyes, but didn't correct him.

He smiled and went on, "We're also ready to order our food as well."

The waitress smiled again, pulling out her pad of paper and pen from her apron to jot down our order.

I spoke up before Edward could, asking for the barbecue chicken with cole slaw, while Edward went with the filet mignon.

As I handed the waitress my menu, my eyes fell on a couple a few tables down from ours. The guy was sweating bullets as he bent down on one knee in front of the girl who was blushing furiously.

My heart stopped as the man opened a small red box, displaying his love for all the world to see.

~*~

_"Bella, it's a disaster! You have to come to the office like, now!" Alice screeched through the phone._

_I cursed my bad luck as I stood in the middle of my living room, dressed immaculately for mine and Edward's two year anniversary dinner. He had planned out an entire evening of romance and was supposed to be here any minute to pick me up. Even though we lived together, he insisted on picking me up for our date, even going so far as to rent a limo to ride us around._

_I started to panic as I looked to the clock. Edward was set to arrive in less than a half hour. If I hurried I could make it to the office and see what the major catastrophe is and be back in time for Edward to pick me up._

_"I'll be there in 5 minutes, Ali."_

_I hurried to the door, dialing Edward's number as I walked. It rang a few times before he picked up._

_"Isabella, are you as impatient as I am to get this date started?"_

_Fuck._

_"You know I am, baby. I just have to run to the office really quick, but I'll be back in time. I promise, okay?"_

_"What do you mean really quick? What's going on?"_

_I pushed the button to the elevators and __sighed. "There's some kind of emergency with the latest issue and Alice is freaking out. I have to go check it out and possibly murder our publishers in the process."_

_I could practically see the scowl on Edward's face as he spoke slowly through the phone. "You mean to tell me you are going to work right now? Twenty minutes before our anniversary date, you're going to go into work?"_

_"It's not that big of a deal. I promise - I'll be in and out. No biggie." _

_A__s I walked out the door of the apartment building, I wondered how much of what I just said was true. I prayed that I would walk in and see something that Alice had blown completely out of proportion and be on my merry way in under thirty minutes._

_"No biggie to you, but it is a biggie to me. You are always picking that magazine over me!"_

_"That's not true. I can have you both in my life! You'll see, Edward. Our night will go exactly as planned."_

_I told him I loved him and I would see him in a half an hour before hanging up the phone and scrambling into the building. Alice was sitting at the front desk, where Lauren usually sat, with her head in her hands. _

_"Ali? What's up, what's the emergency?"_

_She looked up to me weakly. "The magazine is in your office. I can't even it into words - page 105."_

_My heart was pounding as I rushed to my office. I could hear each distinct beat in my ears as I flipped furiously. As I finally made it to the page in question, my heart stopped altogether._

_There on page 105 of the October issue of New Moon was an advertisement that changed my world forever. In bold, black print were the words:_

_Isabella, my love, will you marry me? _

_I heard a noise behind me so I whipped around, the magazine still held tight in my grasp. Edward was kneeling in my doorway with a small red box, opened to display a simple, yet gorgeous engagement ring that sparkled from the lights overhead._

_My breath caught in my throat as I launched myself at him, knocking him over completely. _

_"Yes! Oh my God, yes I will marry you, Edward Cullen!" I screamed as I kissed his lips repeatedly._

_Alice was squealing off to the side somewhere and Edward was smiling from ear to ear below me._

_"I love you, Isabella," he murmured as he sat us both up. He placed the ring gingerly on my finger and I held it up to admire it closely._

_"I love you, too, Edward. Forever."_

_~*~_

_"_Bella?" Edward asked worriedly.

I shook my head to clear it and looked at his eyes full of concern.

"Are you okay, love?"

Love. Love. Love.

I have to get out of here. What am I doing? This man annihilated my heart and I'm here sharing a steak dinner with him? Where the fuck is my self-preservation?

"I have to go, Edward. I'm sorry."

And with that I picked up my purse and walked out of the restaurant, not once looking back.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Let me know how you liked it in a review, huh?! It'll make me all giddy.

FIC RECS:

Where The Road Meets The Sun by miztrezboo

Expectations and Other Moving Pieces by chrometurtle

The Politics of High School by julesames


	7. Let Me Be Myself

**::Comes out from hiding:: Well, if anyone is still holding out hope for this story to update, it's your lucky day! I've come out of my writing slump and plan to update as often as possible from now on. I never meant for it to take that long but let me tell you, writer's block is no joke. And it's quite the bitch.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine even though I wish and pray everyday for it to be!**

* * *

I guess I just got lost being someone else  
I tried to kill the pain, nothing ever helped  
I left myself behind somewhere along the way  
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you  
To say that it's okay

But tell me please, would you one time just let me be myself ?  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself  
Would you let me be myself?

I'll never find my heart behind someone else  
I'll never see the light of day living in this cell  
It's time to make my way into the world I knew  
And then take back all of these times that I gave into you

But lately I'm so tired of waiting for you  
To say that it's okay

Tell me please, would you one time let me be myself?  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself  
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!

That's all I've ever wanted from this world  
Is to let me be me

Please would you one time let me be myself?  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself  
Please would you one time, let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself

For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself  
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!  
Would you one time, ooh, let me be myself and let me be me?

_Let Me Be Myself - _3 Doors Down

* * *

I ran quickly to my car, not bothering to see if Edward had followed me or not. I needed to get out of the parking lot as fast as I possibly could. Grabbing my keys out of my purse as I walked, I pushed the button on my keychain to unlock my car.

Just as I reached for the door handle, I felt someone grab my elbow from behind.

"Bella, what happened back there? What did I do?" Edward asked, eyes pleading and sad.

"It's nothing you did, Edward. I thought I could handle this, but I can't. It just...it hurts too fucking much," I managed to choke out, before opening my car door and slipping inside.

I kept my eyes locked in my rear-view mirror as I reversed the car without another glance at Edward. Not two minutes later, my phone vibrated displaying Edward's name across the screen. I pushed the button to ignore his call and threw my phone in my purse.

What the hell was that? One minute I'm sharing a somewhat normal meal with my ex-fiance and the next I'm channeling a track star and booking it to my car.

One things for sure - I'm in serious need of some kind of extensive therapy.

My therapy came in the form of my dumbass brother in law two days later as we shared lunch at the office.

"So, let me get this straight," he bellowed after swallowing a rather large bite of his sub.

"You agreed to go to dinner with Edward, as friends, and you see some tool proposing to his girfriend at the restaurant - real original, pal," he scoffed rolling his eyes, "and then poof, you change your mind and bail out before the waitress even gets back with your drinks?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I do believe that's what I just told you, asshat. Well minus the running commentary on the proper place to propose."

He chuckled loudly. "I swear, bitches be crazy."

I snorted. "Excuse me, asshole? You may be family but I'm still entirely capable of firing you."

He rolled his eyes and laughed again. "Please, like you could fire me."

Sighing and resigning myself to the fact that I indeed couldn't fire him, I asked, "So, oh wise one, what, pray tell, do you think I should do now?"

"I think that you should talk to him."

"Yes, because that went so strikingly well the last time," I said as my eyes narrowed to slits.

He sighed tossing down the wrapper to his sub.

"Look, Bells, I'm not going to pretend that I have even the slightest clue what you went through when Edward," he paused, looking at me sadly, "well when Edward did what he did. But, at the same time, I also can't sit here and pretend that it doesn't bother me to see you so...not _you_ anymore."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Fuck. I was so sick of this crying over Edward bullshit.

"I don't really know how to be me anymore, Emmy. And it scares the everloving shit out of me!"

He jumped up, wrapping me in his big gorilla arms.

"That's what we're all here for, Bells. Every single one of us would die for you and you know that. But for us to really help you, you have to let us in. Stop putting up this front because it's killing us not knowing how you really feel."

I sniffled, nodding my head, unsure of what to say next.

Luckily, he went on before I had to say anything.

"Look, Bells, you wanna punch Edward in the gonads? Do it. You want to take Rosie away for a sister vacation to the Bahamas, by all means, do it - but make sure you take pictures of her in that smoking hot red bikini of hers."

I giggled even though my heart was aching.

"All I do know for certain is that we miss you. And pretty soon you're going to be a Godmother and aunt to my beautiful baby and I want him or her to know the _real_ you. Not this shell of a person you've become because of my dumbass best friend."

My tears fell harder as I took in what Emmett was saying. Had I really fallen so far off track that my own family barely recognized me anymore?

I thought back to all the times I put myself on auto-pilot through work and family functions just so I could hurry through them and get home to wallow.

I pulled back from Emmett and kissed his cheek.

"Believe or not, you really helped me today, you big goon."

He smiled a giant smile full of dimples and said, "Oh, thank fuck. Honestly, I was shitting myself thinking I was just making you feel worse. Rosie would have my balls if I upset you more. I can't always be trusted to say the right thing."

I snorted at this, completely unladylike and full of tears.

"You have nothing to worry about. Let me tell you, you are going to be one hell of a daddy, Emmett Dale."

He blushed. "Thanks, Bells."

Just then Rose burst through the door of my office looking from my tear stained face to Emmett blushing one and immediately got the wrong idea.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Emmett. What the hell did you say to her?" she screeched as she pulled me into her arms.

"Rosie, baby, sweetheart, I promise I didn't say anything bad! Tell her, Bells!" he screamed with pure terror lacing his voice.

Apparently pregnant Rose scared Emmett even more than normal Rose scared him.

I giggled, pulling away from Rose.

"Dial it down a notch, Rosebud. He's telling the truth. He actually opened my eyes quite a bit today."

Rose exhaled loudly.

"Well thank God for that."

I wiped my eyes a bit with a tissue off my desk and turned back to Rose.

"So, what's up, Sissy?"

Rose shrugged.

"Not much. I'm bored out of my mind not working on cars."

I snickered. "I'm pretty sure you'll have plenty of time to work on cars once my beautiful godbaby is born."

"There is nothing I want more than this child, but being pregnant definitely puts a damper on your professional life when you work on cars for a living. I've taken to coming here...to _write_, rather than be alone at home watching baby delivery shows and scaring the shit out myself."

I laughed at my beautiful sister. "Hey, I'll take productivity anyway I can get it. Now why don't you march your pretty pregnant self back over to your office and finish that article that's due in a week?"

She rolled her almost violet eyes at me.

"Yeah, yeah, slavedriver. Damn the man!" She emphasized her point with a fist pump to the air before walking swiftly out of my office.

Em still looked terrified as he mumbled, "That woman scares the fuck out of me. One minute she's happy Rose, the next she gives Mariah Carey a run for her money on the crazy train."

"Be honest now, Em. Was there ever truly a happy Rose?"

He wiggled his eyebrows as he said, "Oh, I've been known to make her quite happy, thank you very much."

I plugged my ears like a child as I shooed him out of my office. "Ew, enough! Get back to work, McCarty, before I tell Rose you called her Mariah crazy."

He turned back from his spot at the door. "You. Wouldn't. Dare."

I chuckled as I said, "Try me, brother."

I slammed the door in his shocked face and smiled my first genuine smile in days.

I could do this.

The next couple of days went by in a blur of deadlines, calls from Edward that I artfully dodged and family dinners with Em and Rose before I realized that I hadn't talked to James in a while.

I sat on my couch, scrunching my brow as I checked my cell to see if maybe I had missed his calls but I hadn't. I wondered if he was all right as I scrolled to his name in my contacts and pressed send.

It went to voicemail so I left him a message saying I needed to talk to him about some things and to call whenever he was free. Tossing my phone on the cushion next to me I shuffled into the kitchen to heat up some leftover Chinese from the night before.

My phone rang as I was taking out the delicious shrimp lo mein and I hurried to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Isabella," Edward's seductive voice purred over the phone.

I sighed. "Hi, Edward."

"I'm really glad you answered. I've tried calling you a few times to try to figure out what I did that upset you so much."

"It's nothing new, that's for sure. It's the same thing I've been upset with you for for the past six months."

He let out a breath. "I thought we were going to try to move past this, Bella. I thought we were going to at least attempt to be friends?"

"Edward, we've never in the entire time that I've known you, been _just friends_. So excuse me if I find it a tad difficult to sit across from you at a restaurant and pretend like everything in my life is so god damn great! Because it's not fucking great. I feel betrayed and stupid and I hate myself for wanting to even still talk to you at all! The sane part of me says to run from you before you hurt me more but the crazy part of me misses you. Misses what we used to be for one another."

A tear rolled down my cheek as we sat in silence after my outburst.

"I'm so fucking sorry. You have no clue how sorry I am. I just - look, I know I'm a bastard. I know that. And I know that I'm a selfish asshole but...I need you. I _need_ you in my life. And if being your friend is my only option then that's what I'm going to do. I promise you, I won't try to sweet talk you or convince you to stop seeing James. I just need you, Bella. Any way I can't get you, please."

I exhaled a shaky breath as I said, "I just don't know where to go from here. I'm not me anymore and I don't know if I can ever be me again. Especially if I'm around you. I lost myself when you were unfaithful because my entire life was wrapped up in you, Edward. Can't you see that?"

"I'm lost too, sweetheart. We can help each other. We can heal each other, I promise."

"You're not getting it. I need to do this by myself. I need to know that I can breathe properly as Bella Swan and not need you to live."

"So, you're saying it's done? Just like that? No second chances for me...for us? Not even friendship?"

I was getting frustrated. "I didn't say no friendship. I just said that right now I need to focus on me and if you truly care about me you'll give me this space to clear my head. Of course, I still care about you, Edward. You were my best friend and fiance for a long time. That kind of admiration doesn't go away. But I need to do this on my own. If and when I start to see a change in myself, I'll contact you. But for now, please, just give me this, okay?"

It was quiet on the other end and if I hadn't heard his ragged breathing every couple of seconds, I might have thought he'd hung up.

"Okay, Isabella. I'll do this. I can give you space. But just know I'm only a phone call away. I'm not leaving and I'll never stop loving you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, whispering a simple, "I know" before pressing end on the call.

Emotionally drained from the conversation, I trudged to my bedroom, forgetting all about dinner and slipped into oblivion.

I ended up talking to James two days later. He claimed he had been working doubles at the bar and coming home and just passing out.

I sucked in a breath as I asked him to meet me for dinner at my place before he had to go in to work tonight. I knew that I had to end things with him.

It wasn't fair to me to focus on yet another relationship when I needed to focus on myself. It bothered me that an errant thought about it not being fair to Edward either went through my mind.

Who gives a shit if it's fair for Edward?

Oh. That's right. I give a shit for some ungodly reason.

Shaking it off, I took the pasta off the stove and drained it in a colander and put it back in the alfredo sauce, as I waited for James to arrive.

As I placed the plates on the dining room table, my doorbell rang. I scurried over to let James in.

"Beautiful! It feels like it's been years since I've seen you," James exclaimed as he handed me a bottle of wine.

I hugged him quickly and said, "I know. We've both been so busy it does seem that way."

Crap.

This was going to be way harder than I thought.

I ushered him into the dining room, offering to open up the bottle of wine.

"That'd be great, thanks. I can only have a glass though since I have to work tonight."

I nodded and went into the kitchen to get wine glasses. I planned on being thouroughly sloshed by the end of this night.

We took our seats and I served the fettucine alfredo to both James and myself. We dug in and he complimented me on it.

"Thank you. It's Ed-," I began but stopped myself when I almost revealed to James that it was Edward's mom's recipe.

James stiffened slightly but relaxed again a moment later.

I decided it was now or never to get what I had to say overwith.

"So, I asked you here tonight to talk to you about some things."

James nodded as he took another bite of his food.

"You said as much on your message. What's up, Beautiful?"

Ahh, stop being so sweet, James. I'm about to be a totally selfish bitch right now.

"Well, I've been doing some thinking. I mean, well...," I stammered, completely drawing a blank on what I wanted to say.

"Okay, you've been doing some thinking. What about?" James asked.

"Right. Um. Well...ya see."

He tossed his fork down. "Are you breaking up with me, Bella?"

My mouth dropped open. How in the hell had he known that? I've said one syllable words for the past minute.

"What? No! Well, yeah, kind of. Okay. Not kind of. I am breaking up with you but it's nothing you did, James. I promise."

"Are you really using the lame 'it's not you, it's me' reasoning right now, Bella?" he exclaimed.

I took a deep breath. "I never should have started something with you in the first place, James. It truly is me in this situation. I'm not ready for a relationship. I jumped right into things with you to prove to myself and as shitty as it sounds, to prove to Edward that I was over him."

"But you're not, right? You're not over that piece of shit?" he asked, incredulously.

"I am. Well, I want to be. I think. Listen, like I said it's not you or Edward. It's me. I have no idea who I am anymore and I just want to figure things out on my own, before I jump into a relationship."

His face darkened menacingly. "And you couldn't have figured that out before I fell for you?"

I felt awful.

"James, please. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted so hard to make this work."

He threw his napkin on the table before standing. "Yeah, you never meant to hurt me, but that didn't stop you from doing it, now did it?"

He stormed off, slamming the door as he went.

I gulped the rest of my wine down as I gathered up the dishes, tossing them in the sink to deal with later.

I grabbed my phone from my purse and dialed Rose's number.

"Sissy! I was just thinking about you," my sister chirped, happily.

"I broke up with James," I whispered.

"Oh, no. Are you okay?"

"I had to do it, Rosie. I had to. It's not fair that I told Edward I needed time to myself and then continued on with James. And it definitely wasn't fair to James."

She stayed quiet for a minute before saying, "Who really gives a fuck what's fair for Edward, Bella? Fuck him. Let him suffer."

I rolled my eyes. "I care, Rosalie. I can't help but to care."

"Well, he doesn't deserve your sympathy."

"I know."

"So what now, sissy?"

I thought about it for a minute.

"How would you feel about taking a trip, Rosebud?"

A week later, Emmett was dropping Rose and I off at Sea-Tac airport, warning us to stay safe and look out for one another.

"I swear Bella, when I suggested this trip I never in a million years thought you'd actually do it," he whined as he grabbed our suitcases out of the back of his Explorer.

Rose cut into the conversation by saying, "Quit your bitching, Emmett. This is my chance to still look semi-decent in a bikini and have a vacation with my sister before I can't fly and resemble a beached whale."

He raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Whatever you say, princess. Have fun. I love you and I'll miss you. Try not to have too much fun without your Emmy bear though."

Rose blushed and whacked him on the arm before pulling him into a giant hug. "I love you, too. I'll see you in a week."

I gave Emmett a hug next and before I knew it we were boarding a plane to Florida. We arranged for our flight to take us to there, where we'd stay for one night so that we'd have a chance to visit our parent's graves before flying down to the Bahamas for a 6 day, 5 night stay.

The trip to our parent's graves was emotional. Rose left a sonogram picture that she had laminated and I left a bouquet of Renee's favorite flowers. We hugged each other as we told Renee and Phil everything that was going on in our lives.

We spent a good hour and half there, before making the trip back to our hotel to get some rest before our early morning flight.

We rose early the next morning, excited to get on the plane to take us to our tropical destination. It had been a long time since Rose and I had done something just the two of us so we were both eagerly awaiting getting there.

As the flight descended, I thought back to breaking up with James and telling Edward I needed space. I know I did the right thing in doing so but I couldn't help but overlook just how easy it had been to let James go and just how difficult it had been to tell Edward to stay away.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Even when your head knows your heart is an emotionally crippled idiot extraordanaire.

We shuffled our way out of the plane, quickly grabbing a rental car that would take us to our hotel.

We checked into the room excitedly and my mind quickly forgot Edward and James both as I took in the view from our hotel balcony. Nothing but an unbelievably blue ocean and palm trees for miles and miles.

An absolute paradise.

Rose and I took a quick nap and then headed out for the night in search of someplace delicious to eat dinner.

We settled on a place close to our hotel and enjoyed pina coladas (Rose's was a virgin) as the sun went down.

After I was buzzed enough to start giggling and thinking about Edward, Rose suggested we go back to the room.

As we made our way into the room, I realized I left my cell on the bedside table. I picked it up, curious to see if I could even receive any calls here or not.

_3 text messages _

_4 missed calls_

Uh oh.

All of the missed calls were from Emmett, along with the text messages.

_Bells, call me when you get this. There's a situation._

_BELLS - Your boy James is about to get a beatdown from me._

_Thought you'd like to know that both your ex-boyfriend and ex-fiance are both in jail for the evening. Happy vacation!_

* * *

**Review if you'd like! I'd sure appreciate it! :)**


End file.
